Sunday, July 31, 2005

Smash The Clock



i made my first trip ever to the west coast this weekend. friday was an endless chase after the sun. the timing of the cheapest flight i could find on priceline required me to get up at 5:30 am and catch a cab because i didn't want to leave my margin of safety to the tender loving care of the MBTA. i squeezed into a tin can with a lot of other people and flew through the air to california. that part of the trip was made tolerable only by reading one and a half early heinlein novels. after arriving at the san jose airport, i caught a free shuttle to the Caltrain station.

the Caltrain commuter rail blows the MBTA commuter rail out of the water. Caltrain offers an intelligently designed system that doesn't leave one with a persistent ache in the lower back and a lessened affection for the rest of humanity. buying a ticket from san jose to san francisco was a matter of feeding roughly six dollars into a beautifully functioning automated ticket seller -- with a help system! i have come to believe that the so-called automated token dispensers in the subway stations in boston are really just a postmodern art project. the train i rode lacked the dreaded middle seat that plagues commuter rail travel in boston, where they are as despised as the middle seat of economy air travel. apparently, Caltrain is increasing the number of express baby bullet trains tomorrow.

one convenience that was particularly pleasing was the ability to access trains going in both directions from one platform. eliminating stairs solves many of the accessibility problems for the handicapped and the elderly. there's no need to maintain expensive, failure-prone services such as elevators and escalators when there are no stairs. one not so pleasing matter was the absence of schedules and maps at the san jose station. it did, however, have a sign helpfully indicating the direction of san francisco. the MUNI in san francisco was similarly awesome. there was that moment when a very drunk homeless person began ranting at everyone else on the train, but it was over quickly.

i met up with a friend and her family on haight street to celebrate the end of her bar examination. i detected the smell of marijuana on just about every block. we visited Amoeba Music where i was forced to buy three records at gunpoint. apparently, holding a bag from that particular store must mark one as a member of the club because two different people tried to sell me pot after we left. we had dinner at the _fabulous_ Cha Cha Cha where we gorged on six or seven unbelievable caribbean tapas and drank a pitcher of sangria. it was well worth the hour long wait.

public transportation in san francisco does not open very early on the weekends. the travel marathon back to san jose for the BlogHer Conference began at 5:00 in the morning. after a rather pricey cab ride to the bus terminal, i discovered that the only person who gets any sleep on an early morning Greyhound bus ride is the one who snores loudly enough to cause vibrations in the nearby seats. an even pricier cab ride from the Greyhound station in san jose delivered me to Techmart where this little introvert was quickly overwhelmed by the rush and the roar of the energy of a few hundred brassy, audacious women.

i will write about my impressions really soon. i endured another endless coast to coast trip in a flying tin can today. i survived by reading another one and a half early heinlein novels, so i haven't had a chance to process the experience. i would to thank kevin drum for linking us and extend a warm welcome to readers from the washington monthly. to be honest, i'm a little intimidated by this kind of attention to our blog. i had a nice chat with kevin during the lunch break and managed to sound mostly coherent despite having a major case of jet lag and total sensory overload from the first half of BlogHer. like i said, i'm an introvert. i feel overwhelmed by outings that involve more than four or five people.

i had a fabulous time, and i feel the need to climb under a rock now and sleep a lot.

the jewish fashion conspiracy



the jewish fashion conspiracy has phat clothing. there's this one shirt - man, it's the bomb. it's the one that says

shomer fucking shabbos

on the front. and the back says

three thousand years of beautiful history from moses to sandy koufax -
YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I'M LIVING IN THE FUCKING PAST!

yeah, that'd be the one.

oh, and the YO SEMITE one just has to be seen to be appreciated properly.

"is this thing on?"



*ahem*

yes, hello. good morning. *scans blogsphere nervously* is anyone listening?

*deafening silence*

well, i know most of our readers are at blogHer & i wish i were there with you. em1 has vowed a long and elegant post on her experiences - she actually called me, squealing with glee, last night, which is unprecedented. (that is our noble correspondent as she normally appears while working.) i think that's the only time she's ever phoned me, actually, and the squealing was - well, let's just say it took a minute to realise who that happy, girly voice squeaking on about blogging was, no matter that she was talking about blogHer.

but.

until then, i'm manning the guns. and i feel that i have been neglecting my duties as writer, although i admit that as fanbase liaison i have been working overtime.

ha ha, but seriously, folks. i have stuff to say.

first, a shout-out to pricanbarbie for her timely pic of her fellow harvard summer students. i have cropped and enhanced the original photo for your enjoyment: for those unclear, it's the tourist-revered "statue of the three lies" of john harvard, which frankly harvard students frequently do Very Bad Things to. in this case, there was no urination, creative costuming or queer fucking going on, but there was a summer student fresh off the central square dance party (see below) mounted 'pon S3L with his lady love..

thank you, barbie-borriqueña, for use of your photo, and thanks to sweetbasil for directing my attention to it.

as i noted, there was this crazy party in central square last nite. they shut down the street between the post office and city hall and played crazy hip-hop dance music. when i strolled through, i encountered a gorgeous array of centralians mixing freely and joyfully. there was a long, double row of chairs entirely populated by male creole (haitian) community elders: dour sacks of potatoes all with their arms 'cross their chests. and their wives, mothers, daughters, granddaughters and perchance great-granddaughters in the street dancing joyously to the latest tub-thumping, ass-shaking popular tune: as i passed by three creole grandmothers, arranged from left to right from lightest to darkest-skinned, getting jiggy with it, they all smiled at me in obvious glee. the little kids were jumping around like sugar-rushed pogo sticks.

on my way, i passed two caucasian amazon dykes with identical short-hair butch cuts, one dyed pink and t'other green. immediately i thought of my mom's two new kitties, whom i call pink & green because i can't tell them apart except by their collar colours. and there were already homos milling in the crowd as the sunset drawled over the street - from reports from friends who went for the dancing later, it became quite the homo event, with some interesting crossover action from the other segments of the community.

indeed, the crowd became quite homolicious and over-run by students who couldn't get into the closing night of manray, or went and then left, or just wanted to go out to something free instead. and then they were bootilicious to the tub-thumping latest hip-hop dance tunes, to the total pleasure of all watching.

i wasn't there later. i was watching battlestar galactica because first, i had been to it earlier; second, i am a nerd; and third, i was trying to be a responsible blog-liaison (and human being) and not be everpresent in all aspects of the life of someone i know. (see below for egregious photo of us making with the smooches.)

anyway, the last thing i had to share is cobbed from a conversation i had with that same particular reader. she had forwarded me the clip from PBS about ex-gay ministries, and being in a particularly bad mood, i went a little humourously insane. see, sometimes when i get angry, you can see the troll blood. it were my grandpa on my father's side, and it makes me hang out in swamps, live near bridges and saltwater, and an (un)healthy appetite for human flesh. i now quote from her blog:

last night, i discovered Worthy Creations, Inc. a "Christian ministry dedicated to offering hope and healing to individuals seeking liberation from homosexuality, and providing support and encouragement to individuals facing the reality of a homosexual loved one." you can read their beliefs about homosexuality here and the autobiography of their founder, Christine Sneeringer, an "ex-gay" here.

i made the mistake of sending this wholesome site along to emilyzilch. here are excerpts from her response:

*girl* (12:17:06 AM): no alcoholics, no disease, no untimely deaths, no abuse, no fucked-up families, no divorce, one male and one female child, stable family life, good education, episcopalian upbringing
*girl*(12:17:11 AM): and i'm just this
*girl* (12:17:18 AM): i put the lie in everything they claim

*girl* (12:19:02 AM): EARLY EXPOSURE TO PORNOGRAPHY!
*girl*(12:19:04 AM): ha ha ha
*girl* (12:19:09 AM): that's fucking priceless

*girl*(12:26:29 AM): i like how at the end of the article, they admit they are lying fuckers: Unfortunately , there are no quick fixes or easy answers for gays who wish to change.
me (12:27:17 AM): :-)
*girl*(12:27:18 AM): yeah, it requires suffering like a crazy self-flagellant and denying your entire being because you can't stand to be yourself when other people don't approve of that

*girl* (12:27:56 AM): I WILL CRUSH THEIR TESTICLES AND ABORT THEIR BABIES!
*girl* (12:28:05 AM): THEY SHALL NOT BREED IF I CAN HELP IT!
me (12:28:06 AM): that chick is a tool.
*girl* (12:28:21 AM): i hate her
*girl*(12:28:27 AM): i want to meet her and fuck her brains out.
*girl* (12:28:31 AM): then show the secret camera
*girl* (12:28:37 AM): on national television
*girl* (12:28:44 AM): of her nibbling on my tit
*girl* (12:28:46 AM): fucker

me (12:30:28 AM): "I played on a church softball team"
me (12:30:31 AM): how GAY is that
*girl*(12:30:32 AM): ooh, she's got a root
me (12:30:33 AM): SOFTBALL. i mean, c'mon.
*girl* (12:31:26 AM): and i like how she is so fucking retarded that she conflates being a lesbian with "not wanting to be a girl": This freed me to embrace my gender and to stop rejecting God's design. I even started using my full name, Christine, because I no longer wanted to hide being a girl.
*girl* (12:31:38 AM): yeah, because there's nothing dykes want more
*girl* (12:31:43 AM): than a man
*girl*(12:32:03 AM): jesus, the balls on her!

*girl* (12:33:22 AM): and, um, i wasn't a woman - i was a lesbian, which is a different sex. but i got a sex change, so now i'm a real girl! just like pinocchio!

me (12:33:30 AM): haha, i should know better than to send you inflammatory christian links
*girl* (12:33:59 AM): "Christine Sneeringer is the director of a Christian outreach to homosexuals, a member ministry of Exodus International. She lives in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, where she attends Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale (nondenominational) and masturbates watching women's pro basketball."

*girl*(12:35:39 AM): she only does this shit because when she gets off with some woman secretly, the guilt makes for better orgasms.

*girl*(12:38:01 AM): crazy motherfuckers read this book in the wrong language about a guy who thought whores and poor people needed help, not rich fucks, and all they can talk about are HOMOSEXUALS

:: end scene.::

arr, i were in rare form.

you may now go enjoy the rest of your day. move along, move along.

I WILL EAT THEIR BABIES!

Friday, July 29, 2005

i haven't read it...



...but i think i should.

i'm talking about choir boy. i'm shamelessly stealing the bitch summertime book review of it because it's too tasty to skip.

Choir Boy
Charlie Anders
{Soft Skull Press}

Like most coming-of-age novels, Choir Boy is a story about growing pains, and finding the strength and courage it takes to be yourself. But the premise of Charlie Anders’s first novel is as unusual as its oddball protagonist, “the cutest choir boy this side of Vienna,” 12-year-old Berry Sanchez.

Berry’s greatest - and only - aspiration is to remain in his noble cassock and hit the high notes forever like the male sopranos he’s read about. After a failed attempt at self-made castratidom and a serendipitous turn of events, Berry decides to preserve his angelic voice by modern-day means: testosterone-inhibiting hormones.

With the help of flamboyant transsexual Maura, who sees a burgeoning t-girl to take under her wing, Berry eagerly ingests the pills that will save his vocal chords from going to hell in a handbasket. But little does he realize that they are also designed to make him into a full-fledged girl in the process. Soon he’s budding B-cups to rival those of his choir girl crush, and his best friend is wondering why Berry wants to go girl all of a sudden.

More of a misfit than ever, Berry and his or her gender becomes one big question mark. Searching for the answer, Berry seeks advice from a peculiar array of sources and is caught up in a whirlwind of adventures, including a makeover by a teen-magazine editor and a run-in with a band of hedonists.

i'm stepping in now also to note that the author's magazine, which rocks, isn't technically other (as you are about to read) but is rather [check] other - it has a big checkmark in a box before the word "other" and it's clearly intended to have this specific meaning. its contents are definitely in line with the story of this book, for example.

and pick up a copy of [check] other when you get a chance - it's zine-y but interesting, and most issues are "doubled" - two covers with opposing issues (boy v. girl, self v. other, etc.).

Anders, editor of Other magazine, author of The Lazy Crossdresser, and a former choirboy, steers clear of maudlin characterizations of victimized trannies (though the threat of violence and fear of discovery is constant). She tells her story of a choirboy with a voice box of gold in a dispassionate third-person narrative peppered with wry wit.

Berry (“like the fruit”) is not a trans saint or martyr, but a resilient, quirky, ambiguously gendered kid with an unconventional dream. Although the episodic novel sometimes jumps with made-for-TV cuts that string mini-scenes together, and relies too much on action and dialogue to carry the weight of the story, Berry’s twists of fate and the wacky cast of characters encountered along the way make the book’s rough spots easier to ignore.

you can read the conclusion of the review here.

sounds like a great summer read to me! ... now, if it weren't for all this extracurricular work i've been doing for w4d, maybe i'd be able to take a break and read some fiction.

whew, i'm sweating again. hard work.

total customer satisfaction is our only goal



i'm working on improving relations with our readership. my inexplicable absence from wAitiNG foR doROthY is due to my intense dedication to these goals.

really. i swear. can't you see how hard i'm working here? it's not easy to placate our critics.

especially the really smart ones. that just happen to be attractive. but i'm taking one for the team.

is it suddenly hot in here? i'm sweating. okay, i just fainted a little bit. some water, please?

yowza.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

what happens when sleeping becomes impossible at night...



i don't know how i am going to make it to the meadowlands expo center in secaucus, new jersey tomorrow morning. i am so tired. today i fell asleep during the multistate. i didn't sleep very well last night, and around hour #5, i started dozing off. i was doing a property problem, where a parcel called "blackacre" was conveyed. it's always called "blackacre." now, by this point, the words seemed to stop being in english. the morning session i thought was relatively tame. but suddenly, halfway through the afternoon session, my blood sugar fell and things around me started getting fuzzy, warm and dreamy. anyway, when i read blackacre, the theme song to "green acres" started running through my head. i don't think i've even watched an episode in my life. and i only know the first two lines.

i decided to look up the lyrics. and heh, how funny...

Green acres is the place for me.
Farm livin' is the life for me.
Land spreadin' out so far and wide
Keep Manhattan, just give me that countryside.

New York is where I'd rather stay.
I get allergic smelling hay.
I just adore a penthouse view.
Dah-ling I love you but give me Park Avenue.

...The chores.
...The stores.
...Fresh air.
...Times Square

You are my wife.
Good bye, city life.
Green Acres we are there.

for the record, i'm moving in with my girlfriend in new jersey this saturday. no, not hoboken or jersey city... further west. like NEW JERSEY, not fake new york.

anyway, i was in la la land for around five minutes, when i willed myself awake and spent the next five minutes stabbing my hand with my pen and splashing cold water on my face. i ended up finishing anyway. the pmbr questions i had been doing were three times as long, so it prepared me to take a five minute nap in the middle of the multistate.

however, i would suggest *not* doing that if you're taking the bar. bring plenty of red bull / candy. i only had enough for the morning.

i have to be at port authority at 6:30 tomorrow morning. there will be approximately 300 of us trying to board a bus, so i have to be there early. HAHAHA!!! make it end!!!

Monday, July 25, 2005

T minus 9 hours



and the fun begins!

good luck to all taking the NY and CA bars tomorrow and wednesday! and for the other crazy people who are taking a second bar in NJ or CT on thursday, we'll make it through that one too. it'll all be over very soon.

thursday night, party at my place. we'll go drinking at the seaport, unless anyone has a better idea. if i'm passed out face down on my bed, just knock. loudly.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

we seemed to need more nekkid chix, so...



... i took the sin city quiz - and came out as lucille, marv's (naked) dyke parole officer at 55% - and as miho, the silent assassin-whore at 50%.


PH34R T3H 4RM3D CH1XX0R!

special request



i received notice via e-mail that my cousin, currently on city council in torrance, is running for california state assembly in the 53rd district in a special election on the democratic ticket. so if you're out there, please check this out.

www.lieuforassembly.com

[excerpt]

I want to let you know I am running for the 53rd Assembly District. I apologize for the impersonal nature of a mass email, but I know you will understand given the extraordinary circumstances and tight timelines of this campaign. The special election primary is on September 13, 2005, less than seven weeks away. Just this past Friday, I made my formal announcement and had the honor of being introduced -- and endorsed -- by Assembly Speaker Fabian Nuñez.
anyway, you can google "ted lieu" to find out more about him. good man. only honest politician i'm aware of - yes, you can be honest and be a good politician these days.

spread the word. there is a very short timeline.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

surfacing for a breather



turns out the guy the british police shot and killed "in connection to the bombings" had no connection to the bombings at all and is a brazilian citizen named jean charles de menezes. he was earlier described as a "south asian man."

*perplexed*

this can't be good. at all.

Friday, July 22, 2005

Look! A 'Personal Responsibility' Solution to the Social Security Crisis!



we have become a commercial break society.

okay, yo



i'm going on a week long hiatus. it has really sunk in that i really *do* have to take both the new york and the new jersey bars next week, and this "study 20 minutes / surf the net for 20 minutes" thing isn't going to work anymore.

i'll be back.

the funniest thing i have seen in a long time



mangled "revenge of the sith" subtitles. put down your coffee before you click on that link.

assholes in iran



WARNING: DON'T LOOK DOWN IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH.
i could have used hyperlinks, but the images are much more horrifying and real laid out on the same page in chronological sequence.

i've seen links to this story for the last couple of days. two teenagers were executed for being homosexuals. one cannot grasp the horror of the incident without seeing the photos. these are KIDS, for crying out loud... now that's a country that could use a group like the aclu. and a real "justice" system.

finally, someone who makes sense!!!



when nyc began instituting random searches at subway entrances this morning, the usual suspects began huffing and puffing. the aclu began screaming, "unconstitutional!" (wrong) and michelle malkin types began screaming "random!? but only brown people carry bombs! what a waste of time!" (the nypd isn't a group of hacks; they've been trained on counterterrorism tactics, okay? there is probably a lot of stuff going on behind the scenes that the public doesn't even know about, so button up and quit spraying your racist tripe. listen, people, if you don't like the way we handle things in the united states, move to cuba. there is barely any crime there. as long as you don't piss off the government, people walk around safely there. really, go!)

Thursday, July 21, 2005

OMG hijRa KTHNXBYE



yeah... so can we see nava rasa ("the nine emotions") now?

the main character, swetha, interacts with her uncle gautam, who is secretly a hijRa - and is played by the female actor khushboo.
The world seems to be opening up to thirteen-year-old Swetha as she takes her first hesitant step towards adulthood - till she discovers her uncle Gautam is leading a secret life. He transforms into a woman every night.

When Swetha confronts him, he wants to run away from home and marry the god Aravan at the annual Koovagam Festival in a small town in South India where people of the third gender ritually reënact his story.

Swetha embarks on a journey to find her uncle and bring him back, and in the process discovers a whole new world, a new culture and new friends, that of the third gender, which she tries to understand.

can we see it now? pleeease?

venus envy



[update: the official mirror is here.]

i know it's not a new series, but i really enjoy the webcomic venus envy. very, very amusing.

this is trippy



matriarchal society in china

another quick plug



if you haven't seen it yet, check out saving face, which is still playing, but not for long.

funny



from smegmaster.com, where i found the link to the fbi watch of the "left," a link to a video of john roberts son breakdancing during the nomination speech. now THAT is funny, no matter where you stand on the political spectrum.

one line i missed



From the coulter fartfest linked from an earlier post.

"Conservatism is sweeping the nation, we have a fully functioning alternative media, we're ticked off and ready to avenge Robert Bork ... and Bush nominates a Rorschach blot."
remember her use of the term "welfare queen"? and now she wants to beat yet another dead horse by bringing up "avenging robert bork"?

are you kidding me? are your fans THAT stuck in the past?

this is 80s nostalgia on crack. go take your huey lewis and the news casettes and shove 'em! i'll live in the present, thank you.

more about cutting



i started this post on the seventeenth, then let it rest a bit before adding the conclusion this morning for several reasons: i was ill, i was distracted and i wasn't sure what i was saying. i'm still not sure what i am saying, but i wanted to revisit the issue since it garnered what passes for attention on our website.

the most unusual thing about cutting is that the most unexpected people turn out to be cutters. (NB i'm using this term like people use "alcoholic" - if you do or did cut. also, i'm not saying it's like alcoholism. just that there is no discernment here between those who did and those who do, much like in alcoholics anonymous notions.)

there are people i have learnt are cutters than i never would have imagined, and others who are and whom i should have known were.

i also don't know i how feel about the pleasure aspect of cutting - and i'm not being rhetorical, i mean i really don't know. some people cut because they want to disfigure - pure and simple disfigurement. i cut because i was so desperate, i was hurting so bad, i needed it to come out. it hurt, it burned - that was the point - but i enjoyed it. i honestly did, and not because it was disfiguring. in fact, it was secret, i would have honestly been mortified if anyone found out (and i made sure no one ever did - i did not want the attention), and the point was private. it was about control, about how a new pain can overload your perception of another, pre-existing one, and about release.

i was miserable in my own body. i was agonised. it was a terror to awaken every morning and find out i was not in a bad dream. and i couldn't share these feelings with another human being, no one. there was no internet, no pamphlets, no one i knew to talk to it about, no doctors. nobody to let out the waves of emotion that were building into frenzied, panicked screams. all bottled up, nowhere to go. so i had genuine pleasure enduring a new pain, letting the pressure through hissed, curled lips.

i can see how cutting could be, for me, an addiction, but only because it would be like self-medication. but some people enjoy it; it enters a level of sado-masochistic behaviour. one woman, a cutter, writes of licking her lover's scars while rubbing off on her lover's leg. she found it sexy. i certainly find scars sexy; i find most everything about my lovers' bodies sexy. scars, freckles, toes long enough to type with, an asymmetrical breastbone, thumbs set to grip so wide they can touch their own wrists; all of these are part of what make a person unique. it seems, though, that there is more here - a connexion to a common solution to pain? fetishisation of the practice? i would trace old scars on a lover and ask about them, but i don't think it would arouse me that they were self-inflicted. i mean, scars are a part of the body, and i would find them sexy as such, but not specifically because they were cuts.

and as for getting turned on by the practice of cutting or by its fruits? i'm still not sure what that says to me. i just don't know.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

whoa.



i didn't know shrooms were legal in the uk... but they're not anymore.

and just because i'm feeling masochistic



michelle malkin weighs in on the perception that the fbi watches the left, to the exclusion of the other half of loonies that are intent on terrorizing american citizens. i guess she never heard of the over 60 right wing terror plots foiled in the last ten years and, of course, the lovely eric rudolph.

a loony is a loony is a loony is a loony. and a terrorist is a terrorist is a terrorist is a terrorist. at some point, the terms "left wing" and "right wing" become meaningless. once you are so far out on the fringe on either "wing," you're a lost cause, no matter what "wing" you're on.

extreme wingnut flapping



ann coulter weighs in on the roberts nomination

After pretending to consider various women and minorities for the Supreme Court these past few weeks, President Bush decided to disappoint all the groups he had just ginned up and nominate a white male.

So all we know about him for sure is that he can't dance and he probably doesn't know who Jay-Z is. Other than that, he is a blank slate. Tabula rasa. Big zippo. Nada. Oh, yeah...we also know he's argued cases before the supreme court. big deal; so has Larry Flynt's attorney.

[snip]

Does he live in a small, rough-hewn cabin in the woods of New Hampshire and avoid "women folk"?

Does he trust democracy? Or will he make all the important decisions for us and call them “constitutional rights.”

It means absolutely nothing that NARAL and Planned Parenthood attack him: They also attacked Sandra Day O’Connor, Anthony Kennedy and David Hackett Souter.

The only way a supreme court nominee could win the approval of NARAL and Planned Parenthood would be to actually perform an abortion during his confirmation hearing, live, on camera, and preferably a partial birth one.

[snip]

“In the 1995 case of Barry v. Little, Judge Roberts argued—free of charge—before the D.C. Court of Appeals on behalf of a class of the neediest welfare recipients, challenging a termination of benefits under the District’s Public Assistance Act of 1982.”

I'm glad to hear the man has a steady work record, but how did this make it to the top of his resume?

Bill Clinton goes around bragging that he passed welfare reform, which was, admittedly, the one public policy success of his entire administration (passed by the Republican Congress). But now apparently Republicans want to pretend the Party of welfare queens! Soon the RNC will be boasting that Republicans want to raise your taxes and surrender in the war on terrorism too.

this woman is out of her mind. i suppose i'll just let the words speak for themselves. except one thing: the term "welfare queen" comes from the era of leg warmers, jelly bracelets, and cassette tapes. it's passe, out... so very 1980s.

i believe the terms that are in vogue in this century are as follows: "towelhead," "cheese eating surrender monkey," and many many others! single mother welfare recipients as seemed to fall away from the radar as punching bags roughly around the end of the cold war. get with the program. if you're going to be a wingnut, at least be a timely wingnut.

red doors wins awards at OUTfest



announcement here. if this film doesn't get picked up by a distributor soon, hollywood definitely has its head up its fat ass.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

since itunes won't start up...



yes, still having computer issues. the hard disk is back up, albeit creaking and petulant. itunes is "missing some file components - please reinstall," but i don't want to change anything on my hard drive in the next week - this means installing, uninstalling, whatever. so i'm listening to internet radio.

again, i recommend uplifting dance music while studying.

start here. we're at fire island already! [update 12:30am: holy crap, they just played "ligaya" by gouryella -- i never thought i'd hear that on the radio anywhere...]

and speaking of, bazima pontificates on the rules of visiting cherry grove. lemme weigh in. i differ in my opinion. basically, everyone is welcome; just don't stare or be a jackass. if you are a "tourist," just blend in and cut loose. bring your strollers and your kids - go ahead - bring your fat, skinny, gawky, fabulous, rich hampton, or po' ass motherfucker selves. just be respectful and have fun. that's all.

I Am A Traitor



I Am a Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkey
Cambridge, MA
July 19, 2005

9pm eastern time



we get to watch the hootin', hollerin' and mayhem begin as g.w. bush chooses the supreme court nominee to replace o'connor. stay tuned!

[update 5pm: it's not clement, says abc news on tee vee. it's online now. the administration wants to go "in a different direction." the newscaster said that it appeared the administration wanted to go in a more "conservative" direction. go figure.]

update 7:50pm: the wonkette/drudge rumor mill has said the choice would be roberts.

somewhat on topic, vaguely: thinkprogress' new blog, staffed by liberal-leaning law professors

pigs fly. well, actually, i'm not surprised...



santorum's top aide is an out gay man. santorum is one of the most vehement opponents of same sex marriage.

here are a couple of santorum quotes, if you don't remember.

"If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual (gay) sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything. All of those things are antithetical to a healthy, stable, traditional family. And that's sort of where we are in today's world, unfortunately. It all comes from, I would argue, this right to privacy that doesn't exist, in my opinion, in the United States Constitution."

"Isn't that the ultimate homeland security, standing up and defending marriage?" (indirectly analogizing gays to terrorists - no, i don't get it either)

politics is one dirty business.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Beautiful Lesbian Sea Turtle




Beautiful Lesbian Sea Turtle
Cambridge, MA
July 18, 2005

I Know Anecdotes Prove Nothing....



but, i really need to share these stories from a health care thread at daily kos. the next time someone goes on and on about rationing of health care under a single payer system, pass these stories along. our health care is rationed. people with money get health care while those without don't. why do people with money have more rights to good health? in my opinion, that's the same as claiming they have a greater right to live. that's utterly repugnant.

Last month I met a woman whose husband has a lump on his back. Has he seen a doctor? No. He is between jobs and wants to wait until he finds a job with coverage. They could afford to pay for a doctor's visit, but they're afraid that if a doctor finds something (read: cancer), then it will become a "pre-existing condition" for which her husband could never be covered, even if he got a decent job.

This same woman hasn't had a mammogram in years for the same reason. Wants to wait until she has better coverage in case they find something.

How many people are dying prematurely because of decisions like these?

--------

When I was at UNM I once broke my leg (playing rugby for UNM) and because I was on a student-type health care plan they refused me, then took me with a tremendous amount of paperwork. Then, I had to pay the bill up front before I got 90% of it back from the student plan. Put me out of college for a whole semester cause I couldn't afford the tuition. I got off easy. I remember around that time (1992-93) a story about I kid who had acute appendicitis or something like that who got transferred around from ABQ hospital after ABQ hospital and no one would treat him because he was uninsured. He survived when some doctor finally offered to swallow the costs.

--------

A cousin of mine died because of the costs of health care were too high for him to sustain. He was a self-employed computer programmer and consultant in Kentucky. Now, living in Kentucky, there's always a bit of hardscrabble in your life, but you can get by with a little help from friends, a back yard garden and a home that your granddad paid off after WW2. He tried to get regular colonoscopies because both of his parents had died from colon cancer. But when the tech bubble burst, he couldn't pay off the last exam, which was a bill over $3K. He could not get a new exam until he paid off the last one, which took more than 2 years. By the time he had saved up enough money to pay up front for a new colonoscopy, as demanded by the hospital center, cancer had spread from the colon into his lungs and other organs. He died less than 6 months after the diagnosis.

---------

Let's say you have no insurance. You have a chronic condition and feel an episode coming on. You think that if you can hold out for a day it might blow over and you'll get back to normal. You also know that if you go to the ER it's going to cost you $10,000. So, would you lay out the $10K knowing that you might get better on your own?

The US health care system asks people to roll the dice with their health all the time. It's common for people to suffer with acute health issues just so they can get to an "approved in-network provider." Given the choice between being sick or sick and bankrupt, most people are going to roll the dice and hope for the former result. This is not idiotic; it's a rational response to very stark economic incentives.

---------

A couple of years ago I was backpacking through Europe and got a nasty stomach virus. I couldn't eat or drink anything, and it "was coming out both ends" if you know what I mean. I ended up losing 30 pounds in 2 weeks.

At the time I was in Denmark, and went to the ER.
There was an empty waiting room with a receptionist. I had to wait for 5 minutes before I was able to see a doctor, and he checked me up, gave me a prescription, and ushered me out the door. Not once did I have to sign a form or look at a paper. I was able to go a pharmacy with the prescription and fill it out immediately.

Fast forward a couple of years, and I'm in Chicago without health insurance. I won't set foot in a doctor's office and have to have my Mom steal antibiotic sample packets from her office. It's a great system we have here.

yancey, i'm starting to think that comment you left on this post is a lot of wishful thinking. there are plenty of people on that kos thread who had conditions treated while they were traveling in europe, and they didn't have to wait forever to see a doctor. even if there are waits, having assured access without having to go bankrupt first is still eminently more attractive. it sounds like your opposition is mostly ideological.

Work-related Chit Chat



so, am i weirdo for wanting to avoid going away parties for co-workers i barely knew? is it normal office etiquette to attend them even in cases where interactions with the departing person were few and far between? i don't like standing around and doing office chit chat. i find that it makes me anxious to have these interactions. clearly, this means that i am not cut out for management, and i'm more than ok with that. but, it does force me to acknowledge that we introverts have the deck stacked against us with respect to the office environment.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

humor break



i got this through email just now:

Little David, who was Jewish, was failing math. His parents tried everything. Tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers, and nothing helped. As a last resort, someone told them to try a Catholic school. "Those nuns are tough" they said. David was soon enrolled at St. Mary's.

After school on the very first day David ran through the door and straight to his room, without even kissing his mother hello. He started studying furiously, books and papers spread out all over his room. Right after dinner he ran upstairs without mentioning TV, and hit the books harder than before.

His parents were amazed. This behavior continued for weeks, until report card day arrived. David quietly laid the envelope on the table, and went to his room. With great trepidation, his mother opened the report. David had gotten an A in math!

She ran up to his room, threw her arms around him and asked, "David honey, how did this happen? Was it the nuns?"

"No!", said David. "On the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around!"

hurricane emily



no, not this one. me.

i've figured out how to collect on health insurance. just keep sending in the requests, calling, and generally bugging your insurance company until they relent. (note: this is how you get rid of credit dings as well.) i had a pap smear done in january that student insurance wouldn't pay for. it ended up being over $300. here's the deal: they said they'd pay for bad shit that happens, but not preventative care. what a crock. so they won't pay for part of a (relatively) inexpensive routine procedure, but they will chip in for major surgery (costing $$$$$$$) if cervical cancer isn't detected early enough? if that policy is true (it isn't -- they just didn't want to pay), the incentive structure would be simply illogical.

anyway, i kept sending in the bills, calling them, writing them letters, and finally, they paid for 75% of my lab work. the visit was in january. it is now the end of july. time for another pap smear in a few months, where this whole charade will happen. again.

grrr. the neverending saga of incompetent bureaucrats... if i pass the bar i'll just make business cards for myself and put "insurance fraud" under my name (my name will be followed by "esq." of course, heh). i'll make another batch of cards that say "products liability" for my neverending drama with laptop failure. and if i ever have issues again with creditors who don't bother to notify me when i owe them something, i'll make a batch that say "consumer credit." and i'll send them in with my letters.

the $120,000 (and counting!) hellhole i'm still going through should at least reap *some* benefits, like scaring bureaucrats with a real fear of litigation.

Flirting Makes People Glow




Tigerlily
Cambridge, MA
July 16, 2005

i travelled to UMass yesterday afternoon for the sole purpose of flirting with The Albanian. The Albanian's co-worker was trying to study, but i was blissfully unaware of this for two and a half hours of mutual teasing and playful banter. i was helpless to wipe the smile off my face. flush with the excitement of mutual attraction, my mind was occupied with thoughts of shyly touching his arm, or perhaps leaning in towards him.

The Albanian's unix lab co-worker began sighing in that passive aggressive way that people have of letting you know that you're really irritating them. then i realized that i am that irritating person who is too unconsciously, loudly, publicly happy. the other thing is that i realized how little i cared. eventually, i packed up my things and left so that she could study in peace, but only after an extended and concerted bout of significant, exasperated sighs.

he walked me back to the bus stop, and i could have sworn he wanted to kiss me. maybe, next time, i should tell him to do just that. that stupid smile remained plastered on my face all the way home. i compulsively curled my toes because my hands and feet were tingling the entire subway ride. i didn't even find the overly chatty woman sitting next to me irritating.


UMass Shuttle Bus
Dorchester, MA
July 16, 2005

more about irshad



today's sunday times has an article in it entitled "the lipstick Lesbian daring to confront radical imams". it's about - of course - irshad manji, the canadian radical muslima and her book. you can visit irshad's own website at muslim-refusenik.com.

No wonder Irshad Manji has received death threats since appearing on British television: she is a lipstick lesbian, a Muslim and scourge of Islamic leaders, whom she accuses of making excuses about the terror attacks on London. Oh, and she tells ordinary Muslims to “crawl out of their narcissistic shell”. Ouch.

Manji is a glamorous Canadian television presenter whose book, the trouble with islam [today], has made her so famous in America that she won something called the Oprah Winfrey Chutzpah award. Even at a conference in Oxford last week she felt unsafe — despite extra security — with police sifting through “disgusting e-mails” and threats after her appearance on Newsnight.

[snip]

The underlying problem with Islam, observes Manji, is that far from spiritualising Arabia, it has been infected with the reactionary prejudices of the Middle East: “Colonialism is not the preserve of people with pink skin. What about Islamic imperialism? Eighty per cent of Muslims live outside the Arab world yet all Muslims must bow to Mecca.” Fresh thinking, she contends, is suppressed by ignorant imams; you can see why she has been dubbed “Osama’s worst nightmare ”.

“The good news,” she insists, “is it doesn’t have to be like this.” She wants a reformation in Islam, returning it to its clever, fun-loving roots. “The world’s first ‘feminist’ was an 11th-century Muslim man. Baghdad had one of the first universities in the 9th century; the Spanish ‘Olé!’ comes from ‘Allah’; Islam even gave us the guitar.”

while popular, this explanation of the origin of the term olé is questioned by scholars, but there are tons of other examples that are well-known: like alcohol, algebra and many, many other words (some, like adobe, came from ancient egyptian through arabic).
But now it gives us the suicide bomber: why? She does not rule out alienation and all those Muslims-as-victims explanations, but thinks the Muslim Council of Britain is negligent for “not even acknowledging religion might also have played a role”. Richard Chartres, the Bishop of London, said terrorists could not be Muslims but Manji hits back: “The jury is out on what Islam is.”

The dispute centres on whether the Koran justifies suicide bombers. Manji argues terrorists can find succour in the holy book: “It says anyone who kills a human being, except as punishment for murder or villainy in the land, shall be regarded as killing all mankind.” The caveat is crucial; Bin Laden invoked it when America imposed sanctions against Saddam, so after the war in Iraq “four young men could decide to punish British taxpayers for re-electing a government that went to war there” — endorsed by the Koran.

[snip]

“In continental Europe people of faith are regarded as second-class citizens. In America Muslims are allowed to earn their status by competing. In Europe, Britain included, your past establishes your identity much more than your future. If you don’t have the lineage here people might well feel disaffected.” She points out that American mosques display signs proclaiming: “God bless America”; inconceivable here.

If we are at fault for not encouraging Muslims, they fail to “celebrate the precious gift” of British freedom: “Why do they protest against France for making it illegal to wear hijabs, but not against Saudi Arabia for making it illegal not to wear them?”; more Muslims, she contends, have been killed in recent years by fellow Muslims than by westerners.

Manji thinks Muslims should take tolerant parts of the Koran and ignore the hellfire. Does this, I ask, include Koranic references to “lewd acts” of homosexuality? She offers counter examples of its tolerance but they seem faintly absurd — should it matter what a bunch of people over a millennium ago made of homosexuality, or indeed anything else? She, not unlike the fundamentalists, picks and chooses the bits that suit her.

[snip]

Britain, she says, has been slow to introduce tests for imams on their mastery of the Koran. She recalls asking Mohamed al-Hindi, political leader of Islamic Jihad, where the Koran glorifies martyrdom; he insisted it was there, but even after looking up books and phoning colleagues, he couldn’t find one reference.

“His translator suggested I better go if I wanted to leave alive,” she recalls. “I asked why he had even given an interview, and the translator said, ‘Oh, he assumed you would be just another dumb westerner’.”

Muslims, adds Manji, must find positive role models rather than jihadists: “Martyrs are the rock stars of the Muslim world, shown on the internet against a background of funky music. They feed on the self-esteem crisis of young Muslims.” That could be addressed by history lessons paying greater tribute to the Muslim contribution to the Renaissance.

She denounces terrorism and the response to terrorism, which is not sufficiently robust. It is no good, she argues, for respectable Muslims to say “violence is not the Islamic ideal” if violence has become Islamic practice. And she attacks the proposed religious hatred laws, saying: “Society needs people who offend, otherwise there will be no progress.”

Indeed. But can Manji and her followers provoke Muslims into progress?

it's an interesting article, well worth the whole read; she's quite well-loathed even in liberal muslim circles, as are essentially mainstream feminist voices like asra nomani. but i think she makes a lot of excellent points. i don't see her, as is repeatedly endlessly on even the most liberal websites, as a tool of the pro-israel establishment; in fact, i think statements like that just make her own case for her!

i'm too braindead now to provide decent exegesis of this article, but i hope at least some of this is interesting.

armored infant vehicle



in the urban jungle of manhattan, shit happens. the kid was saved by her (and i'm not making this up) "mountain buggy urban double stroller," the kiddie equivalent of a s.u.v., when a building collapsed on top of her. the stroller is a $600 deluxe infant-mobile with 12 inch air-filled tires and a sturdy aluminum frame. when the building collapsed, the kid was cocooned inside the buggy compartment. i mean, look at this thing. most strollers are a little less "deluxe".

they should really start advertising this thing, like an "armageddon" or a "war of the worlds" sort of spot where some outside force attacks a metropolis, which ends up covered in rubble. a building falls on a baby in a carriage, and after the catastrophe, the baby crawls out unharmed, giggling and cooing.

subway passengers often get testy about large baby strollers with ridiculous tires that resemble battering rams. they should have this kid dress up in a wonder woman outfit, get rolled into the 2/3 during rush hour, and say, "who's yer daddy now, bitches!" i mean, if you take public transportation, expect to run into anything and everything. schizophrenics, panhandlers, screaming teenagers, and over-protective mothers with their behemoth baby carriages. it's the nature of the beast. if ya don't like it... WALK!

okay, clearly i'm going nuts. back to studying.

The Kitchen Is The Soul Of Our Home




Pennies and Lemons
Cambridge, MA
July 2005


The Kitchen In Summer
Cambridge, MA
July 2005

em0 and i recently interviewed prospective roommates for the fall. the person we chose is getting help from her mother to pay the rent, so mom insisted on seeing the apartment. the interview was mildly uncomfortable because i felt that our lifestyle was judged negatively. the mother expressed pity and concern for us because we live in an apartment with no living room.

i dislike the way that shared apartments with living rooms revolve around the television. i've never experienced a group living situation where the presence of a television in the common space didn't negatively impact the household. even if the living room started out tv-free, a roommate always eventually bought one for it. those apartments became places full of irritating and meaningless sound, such that they were strangely and oppressively silent.

our kitchen is small and cramped like our apartment. admittedly, we do live in a little dump of a place. nevertheless, the tightness of the space has benefits that one who is used to palatial accomodations would never expect. one can adjust to the absence of empty space and learn to live closely with others as long simple courtesies are observed. it's impossible to feel lonely, and our home is abuzz with the traffic of words.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

unexpected photo results



there are times when one's attempt to capture the soul of another person by using one of those infernal image-recording devices has startling results. here's one: our friend sweetbasil.
sweetbasil
remarkable. it does kind of capture her relentless energy.

Friday, July 15, 2005

cutting



i was reading a really mindblowing journal entry recently on cutting. if you don't know what this is, let me share two different ways of approaching the topic: kidshealth.org and wikipedia (go to the disambiguation "Cutting as body modification, self-harm, or catharsis"). to quote the first source, "Injuring yourself on purpose by making scratches or cuts on your body with a sharp object - enough to break the skin and make it bleed - is called cutting."

i was a cutter - not as bad or regular as many women, but still. there are some scars.

cutting is a secretive thing. it's a private way to express the rage, self-loathing or need for release. it's somewhat common in women and very rare in men.

anyway, i can't cite this post, but i can tell you it really reminded me. i've been thinking about cutting - about the practice, not about cutting myself - because it seems to be all over the media recently, most prominently on the l-word's season finale. so in my comments, i wrote to her, "i haven't cut in a long time, but i used to, and i have strange scars from unusual objects. once i used briars: the long sweep of release stung like wasps plus that feeling you get after a good cry." i still have scars from that incident, and it's a kind of sense-memory when i trace that history on my leg.

no one ever knew i cut. of course, there was so much no one knew, and i'm still suffering psychological maladjustment from those days. a paralysing anxiety - gradually improving - and very nasty agoraphobia - also gradually improving - are some of the invisible scars i have. i wonder sometimes if i might have fewer internal scars if i had left them on my skin instead.

however, as i also wrote on her website, "cutting was like cigs for me: addictive, pleasurable & i really needed to quit." it can become addictive, a means to its own end; it isn't healthy to be harming your own body; it doesn't solve your problems, although it can let some of the emotional pus of a mental wound drain, which isn't all bad.

i wanted to say something about cutting, but wasn't sure if i wanted to say it in public. then i realised it was important to talk about practices like cutting just like it is with eating disorders and body dysmorphia problems. these are things women suffer in wildly skewed numbers because they suffer different and, arguably more intense, pressure. witch, whore or holy mother: fuck, we're just people. i like to use the feminine forms in gender-employing languages to represent the everyperson (rather than the usual masculine forms) to underline this point. after all, if someone says "doctor", you think he's a man, right? no one is immune to this. so i assume you are queer until you specifically inform me you aren't and act on these premises; i subvert language; i fight outwards with my sharp objects and no more inwards.

on the surface, anyway. i think that on some level, i'm still sharpening my claws on my own hide internally, and that's what is causing the pain.

a huge "like, duh!!!"



Democrats, particularly in New York, have criticized the administration of President Bush over what they see as a lack of funds for security of the nation's mass transit systems.

here again.

and they say that the dems are soft on national security. what crock.

and now for something completely different...



bondage duckie!!!

"rubber duckie, you're the one! you make bathtime so much fun!" HAHAHAHAA!!!

Thursday, July 14, 2005

more panda farts



while we were being diverted from the real war on terror (ya know... the one starring osama, not that little despot in iraq) looking for phantom weapons of mess destruction, this particular country in asia has been making more and more unpleasant noises, like building up its military, with officials saying crap like this.

of course i'd like the government to deal with that little issue before it gets out of hand. but then again, i'm not sure i have any faith in this administration to handle foreign policy effectively in general. china is run by folks who can send the population into a nationalistic frenzy without too much effort (that's what you get when the government controls the media). and the entire population is like, well... you know... a lot. like roughly five times the size of our population.

enough with the middle east already, okay? send in your diplomats to china, pronto. and more often. and convince others to do it too.

vikings rule!



yesterday i embarked on a scandinavian fish-curing journey. i made gravlax, which is cured salmon, not to be confused with smoked salmon. the fish is cured with a copious amount of sugar and salt (and if desired, aquavit - a scandinavian liqueur made with caraway seeds), dill, pepper and flavorings (i used juniper berries and citrus zest).

salmon 1lb filet
1 tsp peppercorns
1 tsp juniper berries
lemon zest
orange zest
chopped FRESH dill (dried will NOT work)
sugar
kosher salt (this means "big grained" salt)
aquavit (if desired)

1 lb salmon filet, skin included (make sure this is fresh. and if you can get it, organic. you're not gonna cook it, so make sure you get it freshy fresh. if you're in one of those squarish states and you only have chain discount grocery stores, i'd look for a real fishmonger and inquire about the last shipment. if you live in a place like manhattan, good for you!)

cut that sucker in half.

okay, now you need some peppercorns (1 tsp) and juniper berries (1 tsp) (fresh would be excellent, but c'mon... get real. i couldn't even find that shit in manhattan) - you can get dried juniper berries on the spice rack in nice grocery stores.

now crush 'em! if you have a mortar and pestle, this should be easy. if you don't just stick 'em in saran wrap and bang it up with a hammer, a frying pan, or a brick. crushed pepper is tastier than milled. :)

now take 1/4 cup sugar and mix with 1/4 cup salt. mix well!

now take a grater and grate some lemon and orange. you don't need that much. the outer zest of one lemon and like, 1/3 a large navel orange will do.

chop some dill. copious amounts.

here we go... lay down a layer of dill on saran wrap. lay the halved salmon filets side by side on top of the dill, skin side down. now, coat the flesh sides of the filets with the salt and sugar mix. i'd say 1/8 inch is enough. too much and you overpower the fish with flavor. but too little and it doesn't cure. anyway, sprinkle the pepper, juniper berries, lemon and orange zest over the filets. put a copious layer of dill over one of the filets, (this step optional, but authentic: sprinkle with a layer of aquavit), and then sandwich the filets together like a book, flesh sides touching.

wrap in plastic wrap. wrap in aluminum foil, and stick in a deep dish / tupperware in refrigerator. put a weight over it, like a large filled jar or a brick or a law book.

leave it there for 24 hours and flip over once. juice will drain out. do not be alarmed. this is normal.

after 48 hours it should be done. slice and enjoy.

Hardee Har Har



if you don't already read Jesus' General, you should start.

[statesman link via atrios]

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

how you know you are an honourary jew



i realised that i am an honourary jew when i read the following comment and understood it. without having to think about any of it.

I hate to say this but Elyashiv is a quack. A charlatan. He supposedly has vast knowlege in gemara and uses his influence to create restriction where its not necessary and eliminate restriction where it is.

He started the whole bugs in the water thing. He started the whole sheitel scam. As far as I’m concerned, that guys word on what to do is about as good as wearing a helmet when jumping off the Empire State Building. The way I see it, the more restrictions he makes he seems holier in the eyes of the Ultra Frum community and they think hes a scholar because he is so medakdek on everything he does. Bullshit.

Anyone who considers himself to be a talmid chacham and says that forcefeeding geese is not a violation of tzaar baalei chaim is full of it, and I’m pretty sure Elyashiv is just that. Full of it.

original commentary at jewlicious.

actually, it appears em0 prolly really is this character.



to be fair, this is rather more like me in real life. smart (o the hubris!), mad as a hatter and requiring constant psychomedical maintenance.

River

you are river tam. you were a child prodigy, a genius. then the government got a hold of you and started experimenting on you and cutting into your brain, which gave you strange powers - but made you insane.

your brother rescued you, but he takes sooo much looking after. *sigh*

river reminds me of me. she's on some other plane, which is interesting but also means she tends to do things like remove all the labels from the tins of food because they bother her.

which firefly character em0 is



which firefly character are you?

Kaylee
you are kaywinnit lee "kaylee" frye, the ship's mechanic. you are cute as a button, chipper, cheerful & optimistic, though you panic in a fight.

engines make you hot & you prefer having sex next to a big humming thing.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

oops!



secret thought of the bushies: dammit, maybe making a reporter-source privilege isn't such a bad idea. d'oh...

old news, i know... but my hard disk died, taking along my entire itunes library with it. i managed to pull off all of my barbri notes before it finally expired, but the loss of my itunes collection is a sad thing indeed. i also lost the law revue show and photoshop/illustrator. and someone's copy of professional sony film editing software. double oops.

hey, hardware techies out there... i'd like to get those things off my disk. i am able to boot with the xp cd... is it possible to hook up a memory stick or hard disk to the USB drive and pull all that data out?

in the meantime, i have commandeered my gf's roommate's computer. nyah nyah!

those chick dialects...



just as an afterthought, i thought i'd mention that watson (see previous post) makes this observation about women's speech in Cairene Arabic:

Among certain speakers of Cairene (particularly women), degrees of palatalization are attested in all four dental plosives and the dental nasal /n/ in the environment of palatal vocoids (Haeri 1997).
the four dental plosives in question are the plain stops /t/ /d/ and the 'emphatic' stops /6/, /'9/ (ie. 't with a dot underneath, d with a dot underneath'). in cairene, archaic arabic interdentals and dentals fell together, so the "four dental stops" of cairene correspond to seven separate phonemes of archaic arabic.

unfortunately, i'll have to blog her observations on speech registers and gender variation as i run into them - she doesn't include them in her index, so there might not be much else.

FYI, other characteristic phonetic oddities of cairene (and lower egyptian in general) include:

  • the pronunciation of archaic arabic [j] as /g/ and [q] as /2/ (glottal stop)
  • the replacement of archaic arabic [2] with a liquid or, preconsonantally, loss with simple lengthening of the vowel (ie. [ra2s-] > cairene [râs] "head"
  • the monophthonisation of [ay] and [aw] to [e, ê] and [o, ô]
  • /r/ /m/ and /b/ distinguished from their pharyngealised equivalents
  • "uvular fricatives [7 or h with dot underneath and gh] are... phonetically and phonologically better described as velar... or post-velar."

i know, you have no idea what i'm talking about. *sigh* time to take out my book on gender in language and reread the essay on the arabics.

hey you kids, get off my lawn!



well, all i have to say to egypt is, "welcome to the modern world!"

MTM uses simple words in Egyptian Arabic that anyone can understand with only a smattering of slang. It could almost be defined as middle-class rap, with not particularly provocative content. The band fits in well with the current fad spreading throughout Cairo of trance-style roof parties, featuring sloppy, worn-out clothes and the adoption of a new dialect: Young people from good homes are using slum lingo.
oh that is priceless. "Young people from good homes are using slum lingo." who talks like that? hysterical.

basically, the article is an exceedingly clumsy attempt to understand youth culture - they should have asked a linguist and a sociologist if they really wanted not to sound more stupid than i did in my last post.

lissen on:

Two main types of partygoers can be found in Cairo in the summer, especially after exam season ends. First, there are the youngsters from the poorer neighborhoods who cannot afford to go to clubs and instead make do with hanging out with their friends on the boardwalk along the Nile until the wee hours of the night, and then there are the children of the wealthy, who cruise the crowded city streets in their fancy cars and brightly colored jeeps, wearing clothes purchased abroad or in the expensive malls of Heliopolis....

Sociologists and film critics in Egypt had difficulty explaining how such cinematically poor films - "devoid of moral content" is how they were described - could become cult movies, and their protagonists, role models. One cannot argue with results, however, and suddenly more and more wealthy teens are organizing roof parties in poor neighborhoods, the very ones depicted in those movies. According to some reports, soft drugs are an integral part of these parties.

OMG 420!!!!1!!1!

so. let's review. teens, especially rich ones, are revolting against the standards of their elders and have developed their own slang, dress and music. and they idolise counterculture thugs from the movies and TV.

well, that's never happened before in the history of the world.

the only mildly redeemable bit of this article is an interesting tidbit of information:

"When we go to a roof party - because the rooftops are the only place you can dance these days without sweating too much - we can hear three languages: regular Arabic, the boys' language and the girls' language. Perhaps that's how culture is created."
interesting.

guess how the elders respond?

This creation of new culture is being opposed by the clergy, who denounce the "western dancing, wanton music and the corruption of the pure language used by the prophet."
right, because modern egyptian arabic sooooo resembles the languages spoken by the prophet. at all. do they even read the qur'ân? because qur'ânic arabic bears little resemblance to the approximately 14 (15, if you count maltese) descendants of its sister dialects that we call "modern arabic". egyptian arabic isn't even descended from "the pure language used by the prophet".

who, incidentally, was a poor man from an important city.

oh, and in case you are wondering: the 14 modern arabics are classified as "Balkh, Classical, Cypriot, Eastern Colloquial, Egyptian, Hassaniya, Judeo-Moroccan, Judeo-Tunisian, Modern Standard, Moroccan, Northeastern Colloquial, Shua, Sudanese and Western Colloquial" (Hetzron 1993, quoted in watson janet c. e. 2002: the phonology and morphology of arabic, ISBN 0-19-925759-0).

i am stoopeed, especially when half-asleep



i was writing to a friend about a picture she took. i am blogging it here because i managed to project the most amazing level of stupidity - the kind only legal without a certified politician's licence when talking to close friends. this is one of those moments when you reread what you wrote and think, hm, what i said was so amazingly stupid that, well, i'm going to write more and make it even more stupid. at least, that's what you think you must've bin thinking at the time - because it's the only explanation aside from martian brain-suckers that makes any sense.

note one
in other news, i just woke up from a dream in which my old roomie brian and i were listening to people speak what i believe was blackfoot. i can't speak blackfoot, but i recognised it as a member of the algic family and likely blackfoot given its phonological shape. or fox-sauk, maybe.

how's that for why no-one will sleep with me?

at this point, i apparently, in my still slumb'rous state, felt this bit was misleading. so i wrote a second note to clarify. i swear to god, i actually did.

note two
and by "sleep", i mean "hump".

i don't roll around or speake in toungs while actually sleeping. i'm a rather nice co-nappitator. at least, spanky the wondermuffin seems to settle into one single position for the evening, at least once i've gotten comfy by rolling over about seven times.

what the hell are they putting in the water?

further clarification: this explains the identity of spanky the wondermuffin - let's just say that she's a cat whose nickname directly refers to the german WWII antipersonnel weapon known as the Schrapnellmine 35. make a wrong move, and POW!

wow, another stupid comment. i'm really rackin' 'em up today innit.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Body Language



nassira tells a tale in sign language about her first movie. she has one of the most expressive faces i've ever seen:


Body Language
Cambridge, MA
July 2, 2005



Body Language
Cambridge, MA
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Body Language
Cambridge, MA
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Body Language
Cambridge, MA
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Body Language
Cambridge, MA
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Body Language
Cambridge, MA
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Body Language
Cambridge, MA
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Body Language
Cambridge, MA
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Body Language
Cambridge, MA
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Body Language
Cambridge, MA
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Body Language
Cambridge, MA
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Body Language
Cambridge, MA
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Body Language
Cambridge, MA
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Body Language
Cambridge, MA
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Body Language
Cambridge, MA
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Body Language
Cambridge, MA
July 2, 2005

the walking dead...



... = me.

i went to bed and tossed and turned for half the damn night oh my god i'm so cranky.

on the positive side, i learned a lot of things yesterday. it were a busy day. there were the bioengineered beavers, that i can use my computer to do audio chat halfway around the world, that my sister has a rescued boxer puppy, that one of my friend's girlfriends is transgendered (and i didn't know), that i forget very traumatic things that happen to me, that my favourite dyke aunt is coming to town this weekend so maybe it's for the best i couldn't go home this last weekend...

...and i'm learning to take risks despite the debilitating side effects this can have on me. for one second, i remembered the Old Me's penchant for fearlessness (even if it was exceedingly clumsy in the expression).

i feel like shit this morning because i slept so fucking badly, but i feel really good about myself for being willing to cope with other human beings and for putting my ass on the line a little bit and speaking my mind when it was clearly mortifying to do so. and i'm glad i did, even though - as expected - i did not get what i was looking for.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

insha'lLâha



i gotta admit: i saw these, i thought of emily2. i guess you'd call these "reform tznius". l7ayyim!

kippot for women

olive oil... 85% cotton, 15% cashmere; hand-crocheted dark green yarn with a trim of clear green beads peeking out just above the eyes. she is a lucky one who loves to be original.

thanks, jewlicious!

Friday, July 08, 2005

break time



current cardozo terror warning

and the full list

if anyone knows how to use includes in blogspot, let me know. like a javascript that inserts content from an outside page. :)

i hate contracts



anyway, this post has nothing to do with the subject heading. i just did another group of pmbr problems, and my head hurts.

this post is about people who buy chihuahuas as fashion accessories. what a weird breed. no, not the dog, the people. i was on the new jersey transit the other day attempting to teach myself new york practice when a group of girls sat down in my booth. they were of the "i want to be a hilton" breed - over-bleached hair, velour designer tracksuits, and a manner of speaking straight from the "gag me with a spoon" 80s. they were very loud. very VERY loud. i really didn't want to hear about miss thang's upcoming three month greek vacation, because hell... i'm not going anywhere anytime soon. as they were discussing various celebrity hair stylists, i noticed a frantic shaking coming from the direction of the girl in front of me. i looked up and realized that this girl was holding a very small chihuahua, which she had just extricated from her purse (which had the word "JUICY" embroidered on it). she was not cuddling the chihuahua. she was holding the poor animal in one hand and was gesturing with it as she was speaking, as if having a chihuahua in her hand would give her words more poignancy. like directing the new york philharmonic, except instead of a wand, there was a small dog, and instead of an orchestra, it was her imaginary audience. dogs shiver when they are cold, or when they are nervous. much like humans. and this little pooch was shakin' it like a polaroid picture. it was not a happy camper.

girl, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING! it's a DOG! D-O-G. not a sash, a bracelet, a laser pointer, or whatever you think it is. it is a living, breathing being. give it a chew toy, and let it run around in a dog park. if you want to treat it like a stuffed animal, get a real stuffed animal, like a beanie baby. grrr!!!

why i never read this guy i don't know



re: extremism. yeah, what he said. (if the link asks you for a login and you're too lazy to register: muslim moderates are in the best position to stop the spread of extremism. without their input and help in the problem of "religion gone wild," the west will only continue to do it for them, in a crude way that will only serve to widen the rift between the muslim and non-muslim world, a phenomenon that bin laden was trying to perpetuate in the first place.)

Thursday, July 07, 2005

the subway ride



the subway ride to barbri during rush hour was a little tense. every time the doors opened, riders scanned the people entering, more so than usual. at penn station, the train was delayed for a brief "police investigation," which was basically one cop going car to car poking his head in to see if anything looked unusual. one woman abruptly left one car and went to another car, though i don't know why. but for the most part, it was business as usual.

pamplona bull run!



cruel to animals? i think the risk of death and dismemberment falls on the stupid humans who participate in this affair. and i wonder who takes the cake for the most creative protesting... the "falun gong" protesters in new york (who re-enact torture allegedly taking place in china gulags by smearing themselves in fake blood) or the animal rights protesters who took to the streets wearing nothing but bull horns and thongs.

do you ever just horse around on the internet



and land on a scary link that leaves you queasy?

bitch PhD Needs to be on our blogroll



subject: parental consent laws.

WiFi Theft Case



i wondered how long it would be before this happened.

this is probably all over the place right now



not good. my condolences to the people in london. as a new yorker, it really just brings back the chaos and confusion that occurred on the day we were attacked.

update: is it coincidence that these attacks occurred the day after london won the 2012 olympic bid? is there a connection? am i reading into this too much? what if new york city had won the bid? and the attacks... they occurred roughly the same time as the attacks on the wtc. four bombs. four planes. eerie.

update 2: heh, classic

mah mouf is on fire!



okay, recipe time again!

extreme veggie infused vodka (for bloody marys!)

roast the following three a little, just until corners are slightly dark:
1 small onion, quartered.
1 bell pepper, cored and seeded, sliced into large slices
2 jalapeño peppers, cored and seeded

while roasting... prepare:

4 cloves garlic, coarsely chopped
peel and slice 1 cucumber
bunch of celery chopped into celery-stick size
1 stalk lemongrass, cut into 4 or 5 slices
1 small root of fresh horseradish, skinned and sliced into 1-inch slices

throw all of this into a large jar

then add half of a small jar of olives and olive juice
and a healthy shake of peppercorns

pour a bottle of vodka into the pile, until the liquid reaches the top of the jar.

shake. and stick into the refrigerator for a few days.

[note: it's only been a few hours, but it sure smells fragrant and tastes powerful. i'm sort of afraid of what power this brew might wield in 4 days when i serve this to my unsuspecting girlfriend.]

when you're ready to make your bloody mary, combine infusion with a little lemon juice, a pinch of celery salt, and a dash of worchestershire sauce. how much infusion you want to use depends on taste or how much you want to get smashed. 1.5 ounces seems like a good compromise.

add ice, then pour tomato juice over the mixture. stir and enjoy!

i'm a lip ho



Your Kissing Purity Score: 17% Pure

For you, it's all kiss and no talk.

You're in a permanent lip lock.

back to the time reporter brouhaha



this assessment is correct, except that certain states recognize the reporter-source privilege, like new york. it all depends on whether the feds are prosecuting you or the state.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

counter-review: go fish



my illustrious colleague, emily2, has successfully captured how go fish appears in some ways. but i must firmly state my own opinions on it, partially because i disagree strongly with the conclusions she draws.

first, let's be fair to the film go fish: it was made when "lesbian film" meant, roughly, "thelma & louise". in other words, OMIGOD THEY HAVE TEH SEX! and they even are, like, lesbians!

second, as she observed, that time period was not pretty for anyone. if you were around when that film came out, you know what i'm talking about. sure, the main characters aren't hotties, although perhaps i'm fond of a certain bi-leaning slut.

ms troche and co. were interested in presenting the dyke community in which they lived, and things weren't so happy for lesbians back then as they are now. over the last, say, 20 years, things have changed very significantly for queers, and the outness of those characters practically guaranteed their marginalisation. it is fair to say that it seems a very weak film, over-intellectual and pretentious.

but it was an indie, mostly made at film school, back when "indie" meant no one saw your film and it didn't play in but a dozen theatres nationwide.

today, we have the luxury of being "normal" people: you know, listen to top-40, be employed, have families, adopt children, be treated with respect, even have non-exploitative roles in film. at our old house, we had a poster for go fish on our walls for years because we remembered that film with great fondness: how it represented us in a positive light, how it showed two women dating, how it had real people in it, people who weren't angelina jolie. real people.

i viewed go fish again recently. some of its moments are hokey, or seem ridiculous: the drama about one character's bisexuality, the artificial queer-theory speeches, the awkward settings. but there was also that scene that reverberated with me from when i saw it as a youth: when one character, during a moment of sexual tension and blushing flirtatiousness, clips her crush's nails. and i appreciated how much their crowded, dyke-drama, and messy homes resembled my own and how my friends lived - as opposed to, say, the lives of most of the l-word characters, who are the wealthy, enfranchised women of appalling beauty. i mean, fuck: i'm head over heels for pretty much all of them.

but they aren't the dykes i know. i know grouters and tile-setters, students, professors-in-training, account managers, school teachers and barristas. a lot of barristas, actually. and some lawyers and doctors. i don't know anyone in the dyke jet-set crowd, and while i follow the stories of the rich and fabulous LA crowd, don't forget that we didn't get to appreciate shane's comparatively impoverished existence when she had like nine roomies crowded into a four-bedroom. when our tv friends are shown in the morning light, you can see the professional makeup artists have been at work. no one has bad hair days, ugly fashion, or breakouts. that's because it's our vision of the television world, and it's not what go fish cared about.

i guess what i'm saying is that while emily2, i don't disagree with your assessment per se, to dismiss seminal works like go fish because the actors are ugly and the film is outdated seems cruel. there are a lot of people who live like that, even today. being an outsider may be eclipsible for some of us, but not for all of us, particularly those of us who don't or can't pass as beautiful and wealthy women. go fish may be an artefact of its time but it's also a nice counterpoint to the artificial plasticity to the obscenely perfect filmic vision of west hollywood that the l-word shows.

anyway, i just had to say something.

oh, and as for d.e.b.s.? fabulous. loved it. and so romantic...

bullshit!



leave the nice lawyer alone! sure, she did something unethical, but one of the cases might be considered entrapment if she can prove she wouldn't have filed the papers normally. entrapment is very difficult to prove, though. well at least she gets to go to -- aptly -- martha stewart's (a.k.a. "m. diddy") prison. =/

yep, another case of making an example out of someone successful to "deter" others. please. *rolls eyes*

ms. chee, you've been MARTHASIZED(tm)!

a variation of...



roast duckling in red wine sauce...

pan seared steak in red wine sauce

basically, rub the steak with the rub, sear both sides, set aside. make the sauce in the pan - except add 1-2 tbsp of sugar to the sauce. then pour most of the sauce out when it has reduced 1/3-1/2. put the steak back in and cook until medium rare, flipping once. put on serving plate and pour rest of sauce over the steak.

mmm mmm good.

review: "go fish"



a rambling review of guinevere turner and rose troche's 1994 lezzie film go fish...

guinevere turner and rose troche are, of course, the creators of the l word.

let's get the most conspicuous detail out of the way. see the cover? the airbrushed glam photo of guinevere turner in pastel tones... it's a lie. you will get none of that fabulous power femme "l word" style here. in fact, you won't even get anything in color. this film is shot entirely in black and white for no discernable reason (in a manner reminiscent of a student film, not like, say, a visual powerhouse like "pi"), and the characters resemble your stereotypical awkward butch lesbians who don't have real jobs and live in perpetually messy bachelor pads. the only thing they seem to be blessed with (from a hollywood standpoint at least) are exceptionally large vocabularies. the "cutie" is played by guinevere turner, who manages to transform herself into the archetypal slouchy "boi" -- i.e. wearing a backwards baseball cap and pants four sizes too big. however, her love interest makes her look like angelina jolie.

in other words, if you love the style of the l word, this is the exact opposite of that. if you're looking to drool over the characters, because you assume turner and troche will deliver on the "luscious babe" quotient, look elsewhere. (i fully admit that my girlfriend and i picked up this film partly for that reason. five minutes into the film, she had already said the word "EWWW!" enough times in my ear to make me regret going to blockbuster.)

this isn't a hollywood-style film; it resembles the less glamorous and some would say more "realistic" (or more "stereotypical," if you ask others) slice of lesbian life. if you pick up the DVD knowing this, then you'll know what to expect. don't get me wrong; there are good things to be said about this film, but this is a case where the book does not match its cover. however, in defense of troche and turner, you have to remember when this film was made: the early 90's, when grunge was in bloom, big black boots were in, and no one was looking "fabulous." furthermore, when this film was made, depicting any lesbians on screen was considered "edgy," and so, the edgier and more "alternative," the better. being part of the "fringe" was cool. now, in 2005, lesbians on screen have become more commonplace, public perceptions have warmed, and lesbians "in real life" from all walks of life are popping out of the closet to reclaim the lesbian media image from the stereotypical "awkward bookish butch" outsider archetype. that image from the 90's is simply dated.

if you can get past the aesthetic qualities and are simply looking to watch a film for lesbians by lesbians, you'll have to get over one more hump. and this one is much harder to get past, in my opinion.

the one thing i couldn't get over was the narrative. if you watch the l word and love jenny's stream-of-consciousness montages narrated in that "i'm like SOOOO self-aware yet SOOOO clueless" otherworldly tone (you know, like those carnival scenes in the last season where she is making wholehearted yet misguided attempts at "writing" and everyone in your party starts groaning and makes for the refrigerator to get beer refills) (1) seek help and (2) you'll get plenty of that here. in fact, if jenny were to have lived in chicago in the early 90's, this would be her student film. this means, for the average l word jenny-hater, "go fish" would be utterly painful to watch.

this film is not without its merits, however. once you ignore the obvious distractions, much of the dialogue is witty and perceptive, if delivered poorly. and at some points, if you concentrate, it can even become engrossing.

if you like avant-garde theater, this film is for you. (this film would actually work better on stage, in my opinion.) if you're currently enrolled in a liberal arts institution, are currently going through your coming-out process and are going through the whole nine yards of slicing your hair off and immersing yourself in queer theory, you might want to watch this film. if you want to see how far we've come, check this out.

but if you're a lesbian who doesn't define herself by her sexuality (nor is it apparent to anyone else), still look like you did and retain the same friends you had when you were "straight," doesn't get or have the patience to sit through artsy films, listens to top 40 radio, doesn't get the "outsider" mentality, works in a mainstream career, and/or never wore a black turtleneck and sipped cappucino with dour and depressing compatriates on a regular basis... and that describes 90% of the lesbians that i know in 2005... you won't understand this film at all, much less like it (seriously, just pass it by -- you'll just bitch about it afterwards), and i would suggest getting "d.e.b.s." (a stupid fluffy but somewhat enjoyable film) instead.

back



You Are 48% American
America: You don't love it or want to leave it.
But you wouldn't mind giving it an extreme make over.
On the 4th of July, you'll fly a freak flag instead...
And give Uncle Sam a sucker punch!



all i did this weekend was study for the bar and stuff my face with figs and cherries. i watched a couple of dvds, and here are the reviews:

"go fish": pretty awful, painful to watch, self-absorbed pontificating -- but nevertheless charming (a longer review to follow)

"sideways": depressing plotline but spectacular cinematography. this is not a queer film my any means, but if you're a heterosexual woman, you'll immediately turn into a lesbian. the men in this film leave, well... everything else to be desired.

"d.e.b.s.": really really stupid, and really really fun to watch. like, really really!

Monday, July 04, 2005

The Pilonidal Cyst Experience



there's nothing like an illness to make you aware of your body. i nominate the pilonidal abscess as one of the top ten most unpleasant experiences in life that don't involve death. although i was violently ill, i was forced to ride the subway 40 minutes each way on a hot, miserable day, fighting back nausea and tears, to get care that would be covered by my insurance.

i planned to board a plane on friday to visit my parents, but the nasty infection in my butt cleft wouldn't hear of it. i vomited copiously half an hour before i planned to leave for the airport, so i decided at the last minute that traveling was inadvisable. the money i spent for the plane ticket was wasted since the policies of the three airlines involved in my itinerary (if you guessed that i bought my ticket on priceline, you're right!) dictate that one cannot make any changes to one's trip past the day before the date of departure, except for a death in the family. now i'm contemplating not attending the BlogHer conference as planned, and using that weekend to fly to tennessee instead. the budget mistress inside is giving me a lecture about sticking to planned expenditures, and i don't want to take any more time off work this summer.

despite its stellar pain-killing qualities, i am at a loss as to why anyone would do codeine recreationally. it was responsible for my pukerific experience the day i planned to leave for tennessee. did i mention that it tastes bad? i used ibuprofen when the pain wasn't so bad, but codeine was required to cope with the moments of most acute agony -- most notably after my period started four days into my pilonidal abscess saga. this truly was my week of glory.

last night, i finally lanced the abscess. all movement below the waist was excruciating, and i couldn't take it anymore. the abscess had begun to drain, but not enough to allow healing to begin. you haven't lived until you've spent half an hour on a toilet, hunched over, fingering the thin skin covering a soft, mushy abscess to find the right place to poke with a hypodermic needle. the relief was instant, despite the subsequent disgusting task of squeezing out the accumulated pus.

emily0, who missed her father's birthday celebration this weekend to take care of me, was amazing, especially on that hysterical day when i was trying to arrange an appointment with a doctor. little tobino, my baby cat, was equally solicitous. during the first night of alternating sitz baths and draining of the abscess (before i lanced it myself), he looked quite worried. i think he knew i was ill because he could smell the infection. he would peer over the edge of the tub to look at me with concern, touching my shoulder with his little paw. it was quite adorable.