the walking dead...

... = me.

i went to bed and tossed and turned for half the damn night oh my god i'm so cranky.

on the positive side, i learned a lot of things yesterday. it were a busy day. there were the bioengineered beavers, that i can use my computer to do audio chat halfway around the world, that my sister has a rescued boxer puppy, that one of my friend's girlfriends is transgendered (and i didn't know), that i forget very traumatic things that happen to me, that my favourite dyke aunt is coming to town this weekend so maybe it's for the best i couldn't go home this last weekend...

...and i'm learning to take risks despite the debilitating side effects this can have on me. for one second, i remembered the Old Me's penchant for fearlessness (even if it was exceedingly clumsy in the expression).

i feel like shit this morning because i slept so fucking badly, but i feel really good about myself for being willing to cope with other human beings and for putting my ass on the line a little bit and speaking my mind when it was clearly mortifying to do so. and i'm glad i did, even though - as expected - i did not get what i was looking for.