abercrombie pt. 2

i just came back from an interview at a law firm on 5th avenue, and i couldn't help hearing a beguiling "thumpa thumpa" noise when i walked to the bus stop. oh could it be the flagship abercrombie store? let us go inside and check out the venue, shall we...

the first thing you notice are the adonis-like male greeters and a strong whiff of male cologne, which, by the way is called "fierce." no, really. their men's cologne is called "fierce." i'm not kidding. click on this link. check out the packaging too. anyway, there are handpainted murals on the stairwells of muscular men in various stages of undress with nary a female in sight. one particular mural shows half naked men climbing up a wall wearing tighty whities. there is a large bronze statue of a man in a tighty whitie / loincloth hybrid carrying what looks like a basketball. who wears nothing but underwear to play pick up basketball? anyone?

(there are, however, a few female workers inside the store, and i am happy to report that there is a healthy number of extremely good looking minority salespeople. good job, abercrombie. it's about time people know that brown and yellow models can use as much hair gel and be as anorexic as white models. whoo hoo! eXtreme egalitarianism!)

club music is blasting so loudly that you can't hear the person next to you speak. (yeah donna summer and eurodance acts that i've never heard of!) the decor is dark, angular, modern, with some metallic accents and frost. not very "state college"-ish at all.

anyway, the women's section is relegated to a little cubbyhole in the back. oh no. not so eXtreme egalitarianism.

anyway, the next person who says that abercrombie markets equally to straight women as they do gay men (and i've heard many naive people claim this) is nuts.

(okay i'll admit i bought a scarf. the thumpa thumpa told me to. and i only paid a little over $20.)

anyway, it's just interesting how much queer culture permeates mainstream society, and unless you're queer, much of it might not really register, and if you point it out, you might be called insane. but it's definitely there, people. i wrote a post about america's next top model being one of the most genderqueer shows on television, but i never finished it. maybe i will. later.

Holy Slut Army Update

ok, here's one from a warren ellis reader in BC: my vagina project.

shout out to sarah @ aloha media dot net, whose Open Source "Beehive Steps to Knitting" Hats are going to be orderified by me, o yes.

DON'T PANIC!

i'm not going to panic now that warren ellis has pimped my blog in today's BADSIGNAL, which i've neglected recently. really.

And I believe Emily Zilch has now successfully established the lesbian wing of the Holy Slut Army. She'll take field applications at waitingfordorothy.blogspot.com, I think.

OKAY.

so first, we - there are four of us here - are in fact taking appys for the Lesbian Holy Slut Army (of course!). feel free to put comments on this post indicating your participation...

also, in the meantime, be sure to check out our zine, quench, which is available in paper format (issues 1-4 are out) and online (we're working to get issues 3 + 4 online; our pub date for them & the paper copies is today).

we've been unposty recently, but welcome, any ellisians. we promise H0TT S3XX0R.

be sure to check our blogroll, bitches. echidne, ginmar, brett & hiromi...

em0's current flickr tags

ok my em'lys & henrys, here's my current flickr tags and their relative importance. the list - which may be somewhat small in print, for which i apologise - containts the following list:

1889 40days40nights abed abigailwhistler acker aegypius aerynsun akvan alcantara algic algonkian alias alison alysonmitchell amar amberbenson amoreuxi amy amyacker andaman andrei andrewsullivan androctonus angel angelinajolie ann antigay aquarius archbishop armenian arms art ashkenazi atat azadeh baculum bag balkans banaat bandidas bast battlestargalactica bengalensis betty beyond bibi blackwell blade bladetrinity blue bouncing bourdais boy btvs buckrogers buffy burial burkle buthidae cardamom cardamomum castlehughes cat catfish chinese chowder clarias constantine coulter cree dakhma danascully dark dick dildo div dream duchess egypt egyptian elettaria emily0 emily1 emilyzilch ericasutton fark ferdowsi ferguson gabriel geesbend gilliananderson glanis goddess gyps hadramaut han hat hazarmawet hrh hydreumata india jessicabiel kashechewan keisha kennewickman khushboo klingon ladysasquatch lazera leilasofiasimons maps me michelleforbes misr nascar navarasa nelenacain novascotia peacock philip qat quilt rider rostam rustam sarah scorpion shahnama shannynsossamon silurus snake soma startrek sweetbasil taramaclean tildaswinton trinity tutankhamun tznius vulture vultures warrenellis wels whale women xfiles yaman yemen york ísland

that is all.

unintentionally funny site of the day

here

stupid @#$@#@ apple

does anyone else find it ridiculous that apple keeps changing its proprietary music file format to make it virtually impossible to play LEGALLY DOWNLOADED MUSIC on OTHER HOME AUDIO EQUIPMENT THAT YOU OWN? basically, it makes person less stubborn than i am relent and purchase that piece of shit known as an iPod. see, apple is a sneaky little company that makes pretty little gadgets that look cool but break easily. then you have to buy another one. or another battery, because they are defective. oh, and their screens scratch so much that there is a class action lawsuit going on.

apple sucks.

other mp3 players such as those made by creative have FM tuners, voice recorders, FM recorders and a longer battery life. and they are less expensive and come with carrying cases to protect against scratching. OH, AND THEY PLAY A VARIETY OF FORMATS. everything except the !@#!@$@%##$ apple format. oooh, and ipod photo? big fucking whoop. all mp3 players can store any file format - and if you're stupid enough to plunk down an extra $100 just to look at photos on a not much more than 1 inch square screen, you're a moron. go spend that money on an etch and sketch for comparable picture quality and piss off.

j-hymn used to convert from protected apple files to mp3s or wmas but apple came out with technology to thwart all attempts at converting the files in their new itunes 6.

listen, all i want to do is play my stupid itunes downloads on my creative muvo slim. it's basically an ipod nano with a radio, radio recorder, voice recorder, a five band graphic equalizer that doesn't scratch or suck and costs $100 less.

so far, i've been burning my itunes tracks onto blank cd's and ripping them into wma format. it's a pain in the ass. now i'm out of cd's, and i'm mad. (this computer doesn't like CD-RWs for some reason.)

it just stinks that itunes has the largest music library with the music that i want.

but thanks to stupid ass apple, the music THAT I JUST BOUGHT is USELESS.

jackasses.

Dear Asshole, In Case You Haven't Heard, Women Are Human Beings

pardon me while i vomit rivers of puke into a bucket of rotting sardines and fresh cat shit from cats fed on rotting sardines for a month. i'm making up a fedex special for some blogger who does not merit a link. i found this piece of excrement via pandagon:

The reason many people believe a woman is at least partly responsible for her own victimization is because in many cases that is demonstrably true. In no other circumstance is it argued that a victim of a crime is must be considered wholly innocent of responsibility regardless of his actions - just ask your insurance company if you don't believe me. As Camille Paglia pointed out, a woman who gets drunk and goes to a man's bedroom deserves no more sympathy or understanding from society than the man who leaves his unlocked car running with the key in the ignition or the woman who leaves her purse unattended on a public park bench.

i'm with twisty. the patriarchy can go eat shit and die. nobody is responsible for another person's choices. i don't give a shit if a crime victim was 'stupid' or 'careless' or whatever these astonishingly puerile representatives of so-called traditional values are saying these days to rationalize what amounts to a toddler's understanding of personal responsibility. the victim of the crime does not make the criminal commit the crime. i was under the mistaken impression that most good christians got 'the devil made me do it isn't a excuse' lecture by the time they are four.

rape victims don't need sympathy. they need justice. the focus should be on what the rapist said and did, not what the victim did to 'cause' him to rape her. i'm sick of people talking about what the victim said, did, wore, didn't do, didn't wear, or didn't say to exercise this supposed all-powerful control over the rapist's decision to rape her. none of the following are even remotely relevant to the crime of rape:

1) the victim's choice of clothing
2) the victim's state of drunkenness
3) the victim's relationship to the rapist (girlfriend, wife, favorite hooker, whatever)
4) the victim's sexual history

to end rape, we have to talk about rapists, not their victims. rape is not about the victim. rape is what rapists choose to do, how they do it, and why they get away with it. next, i would like to address the unbelievably odious notion that the crime of rape is akin to the theft of a foolishly unattended purse or unlocked running car. the circumstance of having a female body is not even in the same category as possessing a piece of personal property. being raped is nothing like having a piece of personal property stolen. few people suffer PTSD from having their unattended car or purse stolen. greetings to Major Asshole, i have a message for you from Planet Civilization: Rape. Is. Not. A. Property. Crime. the fact that the blogger whom i will not link even makes that argument demonstrates that he views women as a form of property.

Now, this responsibility doesn't make the thief any less a thief, or a genuine rapist any less a rapist. (I use the term "genuine rape" because most so-called "date rape" is not rape nor a crime of any kind, because he said-she said is no basis for a system of justice. If sex without written permission is a crime, then all sex is rape and all men are unrepentant criminals.) Responsibility is not a zero-sum game.

do we need to go over this again? when someone CHOOSES to commit a crime, whether it is theft or rape, that person and that person ALONE is responsible for the crime. for the love of all that is good and right, could we please put that haggard old myth about rampant false rape accusations out of its fucking misery please! less than a third of rapes are reported to the police. the reason is the shame and fear of facing people just like the asshole blogger i refuse to link or even name. so, explain to me why women would be falsely reporting rapes in droves around the country?

he actually stretches so far as to make the argument that prosecuting date rape would undermine the justice system because it would require sorting out conflicting accounts of what happened. what does bonehead think happens in criminal investigations and trials anyway? his post practically oozes contempt at the idea that a man actually should have to determine whether a woman wants to have sex with him before the sex happens. getting an affirmative yes does not entail getting written permission. please read the chapter in Debate 101 titled 'Exaggeration Is Not An Argument.'

if a women has dated a man or slept with him in the past she still retains the right to refuse sexual encounters with him. the fact that he may deny raping her if she in fact reports that he did rape her is not any justification for not prosecuting date rape or pretending that date rape does not exist. basically, if the blogger who shall not be named believes that a man has the right to have sex with a woman who cannot give unambiguous consent, who dated him, or who had sex with him, i wish he'd stop being such a tease about it and just say so.

where crimes are concerned, responsibility is a zero-sum game because, last i checked, we don't make victims do any jail time for crimes committed against them. when sentences for crimes are handed down, time is not divided between the victim and the criminal according to how much responsibility the justice system decides each of them bears for the crime. the criminal alone faces punishment for the crime.

Women have demanded freedom from paternalistic protection they enjoyed/endured in the past. Now they've got it, and many of them are finding that they don't like it and thus have, as usual, turned to the State in search of the security they crave so badly.

dear asshole, when feminists talk about the culture of rape, they are talking about people like you. women do not cause men to rape them. people like you enable rapists to rape and get away with raping because you make excuses for rape. you always talk about what the victim did to bring it on herself. you keep talking about what women should and should not do to be 'safe'. then assholes like you whip out the 'traditional values' banner and bleat about how the only way women can be safe is if they give up all notions of living as equal, free, independent beings and submit to the authority of male relatives.

i wonder what deep-seated problem the blogger has with 'the State' over-seeing the investigation and prosecution of rape crimes? unless he thinks rape is not actually a crime, or that it is a trivial crime like jay-walking, i don't understand what his objection is exactly. maybe he just has contempt for the idea that women are entitled to law enforcement services that protect them from crime. his post is really starting to emit the special, ripe stench of an argument that women are not and should not be full citizens and therefore are not entitled to justice that does not originate from the decree of a male relative.

bitch, puh-leeze!! under patriarchy, eleven year old girls can look forward to being sold to sixty year old perverts when daddy has a loan he can't repay. like most proponents of 'traditional' values, asshat seems to think that protecting women from rape is synonymous with making them less free. he's making the argument that rape is a reason to return to patriarchy, pretty much exposing the terrorism that rape is as a phenomenon. it's there to show women why they can't and shouldn't be free. we can never talk about why men as a gender need to make changes in their behavior and attitudes when we talk about rape.

it's always about what rape requires women to do to avoid it, and bloggers like asshat here are always ready to tell us that avoiding rape requires allowing someone else to dictate what is okay for us to wear, where it is okay for us to go, whom we should marry, whom we should date... what lives we should live. instead of raising boys to respect women they want to raise girls to fear men.

I'm just curious what basis the moral relativists have for condemning rape in the first place. If I deem the slaking of my desire for lust - or violence, if you prefer that theory of rape - to be an intrinsic good, who are you to condemn it? Certainly, one could argue that it is a violation of private property rights, but then, what of those moral relativists who reject the notion of private property. If all property is held in common, then how can a woman object if I decide to make use of that which belongs to me?

women are not property. rape is not a property crime. you can also go burn your Straw-Liberal in effigy by yourself. feminists and liberals are not moral relativists. please show me a bona fide american liberal feminist who refrains from criticizing the status of women in countries like saudi arabia because of moral relativism. rape ia not a consequence of women wanting to be free, but rather of men who believe women shouldn't be free.

a & f

abercrombie and fitch is one subversive little company. let's just ignore the racist hiring practices for a moment. the gay community has known for a while that the company pushes frat boy chic to gay men, but their music selection isn't even subtle. diva pop, german eurodance, and the latest hot tunes straight outta ibiza. don't confuse the store cd's with the downloads available on abercrombie's site - those little ditties are in the vein of the dawson's creek soundtrack and are not in the vein of the "thumpa thumpa" played in the stores on repeat.

what kills me is that there is a healthy following of suburban mp3 collectors who scour the internet and chat rooms (no, don't read the article -- read the comments) for the particular remixes of these dance tunes that are played in abercrombie stores. abercrombie releases these cd compilations every month to every retail store. and every month for the last year has been recreated on itunes in the form of imixes by abercrombie soundtrack enthusiasts. (go ahead. open up itunes, then click "imix" - then search for "abercrombie." eighty-one imixes come up, folks.)

i wonder if all those little kiddies in nebraska realize that every time they walk into an abercrombie, they are listening to the same music that circuit queens bounced around to in darkened clubs in uber-libruhl metropolitan cities and mykonos, like a month or a year ago. recycled and blasted on abercrombie's proprietary cd players on special cd's for your suburban listening pleasure.

thumpa thumpa.

i know it's been said before but...

the fool wears red prada shoes and designer sunglasses. he wears a DRESS AND A FANCY HAT WITH GOLD TRIMMINGS.

n**** please... he's a queen if ya know what i mean...

ever been to a drag show, fellas and wimmins? can't you see the pontiff singing this little ditty...

It's raining men
Hallelujah it's raining men, Amen!
It's raining men
Hallelujah it's raining men, Amen!

you go girl.

plop.

hey look. the supreme court is quite literally falling apart.

i went to cardozo dammit. i KNOW when hanukkah starts.

boss: hey everyone. when does hanukkah start?

[silence]

me: um, christmas.

boss: [ignores the asian girl who happens to know when hanukkah starts] hey, when does hannukah start?

me: [louder] it definitely begins on christmas.

boss: does anyone know?

me: GOOGLE IT.

[people start googling, and lo and behold... it starts on christmas.]

yeah, bishes.

i'm going to key west around that time, and i had to coordinate with my girlfriend on when we could go. anyway, I STILL HAVE TO OBSERVE THE JEWISH HOLIDAYS, SO DON'T MESS WITH MY KNOWLEDGE, FOOOOOOZ. if ya don't like it, you can sukkot. oh man i am funny today.

Obligatory Thanksgiving Photos, Part Three

Almost Caught a Smile Head-on
November 24, 2005


Fake-crying Doesn't Always Work
November 24, 2005

Nope, Not Gonna Smile On Camera
November 24, 2005

I Like Bright Things That Make Noise
November 24, 2005


Bracing For The Step Down
November 24, 2005

Evan Decides To Go For It
November 24, 2005

particle woman, particle woman!

You scored as Materialist. Materialism stresses the essence of fundamental particles. Everything that exists is purely physical matter and there is no special force that holds life together. You believe that anything can be explained by breaking it up into its pieces. i.e. the big picture can be understood by its smaller elements.

Materialist		94%
Existentialist		88%
Modernist		75%
Postmodernist		56%
Romanticist		44%
Cultural Creative		31%
Idealist		31%
Fundamentalist		13%

What is Your World View? (updated)
created with QuizFarm.com

Existentialist With A Strong Postmodernist Flavor

Existentialist
Existentialism emphasizes human capability. There is no greater power interfering with life and thus it is up to us to make things happen. Sometimes considered a negative and depressing world view, your optimism towards human accomplishment is immense. Mankind is condemned to be free and must accept the responsibility.

My results:

Existentialist: 94%
Postmodernist: 81%
Cultural Creative: 69%
Materialist: 38%
Modernist: 31%
Romanticist: 19%
Fundamentalist: 13%
Idealist: 6%

postmodernism!

You scored as Postmodernist.

Postmodernism is the belief in complete open interpretation. You see the universe as a collection of information with varying ways of putting it together. There is no absolute truth for you; even the most hardened facts are open to interpretation. Meaning relies on context and even the language you use to describe things should be subject to analysis.

Postmodernist		81%
Cultural Creative		75%
Existentialist		63%
Modernist		50%
Materialist		44%
Idealist		38%
Fundamentalist		25%
Romanticist		19%

What is Your World View? (updated) created with QuizFarm.com

'Tis the Season

when did we become like this?

A melee erupted among a crowd of shoppers in the rush for the new Xbox 360 video game console at a Wal-Mart Supercenter in northeast Maryland. It took 10 police officers to restore order.

A crowd of about 300 people waited as much as 12 hours for the game, considered a must-have item this holiday season, to go on sale at 12:01 a.m. Tuesday. But an announcement from a store manager that the Xboxes would be sold on a first-come, first-served basis, instead of using a number system devised by customers, triggered the mayhem.

...more...

[link via Rimjob (dairy) at daily kos]

Obligatory Thanksgiving Photos, Part Deux

Abigail Works on Her 'Camera Smile'
November 24, 2005


Wait, Someone Is Taking Photos Of Me
November 24, 2005


What A Pretty Girl
November 24, 2005


No Camera Smile This Time
November 24, 2005


Abigail Takes A Break
November 24, 2005

Obligatory Thanksgiving Photos

Abigail Demonstrates Her Artistic Passions
November 25, 2005


She Pauses to Consider
November 25, 2005


Lost With The Muse
November 25, 2005


Such Amazing Concentration
November 25, 2005


Nothing Else Exists Right Now
November 25, 2005

Finally, Abigail Notices That There Is a World Outside of Art
November 25, 2005


But, Her Work Must Continue
November 25, 2005


Back to Her Masterpiece
November 25, 2005


This Is a Very Serious Matter
November 25, 2005

How Long Have You Been Watching Me?
November 25, 2005


Nothing Can Keep Her From Her Work
November 25, 2005

Happy Smallpox-Infected-Blankets Weekend.

in a week of shit, on the day when really bad shit happened all at once to my family from five directions, warren ellis made it all fucking tolerable. i can't express my thanks enough.

And Fuck The Turkey You Rode In On

THE ENGINE, as an international online destination, is Thanksgiving-free.

Gnawing on a dried-out plucked buzzard to celebrate Britain chucking all the creepy inbred sandal-chewing God-botherers into boats and shipping them all off to a continent cursed by earthquakes, hurricanes and tornados? Not at THE ENGINE you’re not.

THE ENGINE is the No Thanksgiving Zone. Consider us your virtual shelter from tryptophan poisoning, screaming children you’re only distantly related to, elderly estranged relatives forgetting your name and puking unidentifiable vegetable matter sprinkled with bits of Oxycontin into your lap, mom drinking gin and bleach and shrieking that you’ll all miss her when she’s gone, and grandma’s new boyfriend masturbating into your sock drawer while you’re half-conscious in front of the television.

I love you.

– W

(P.S.: Brian Wood’s just reminded me of something. Why don’t the Americans give each other blankets as Thanksgiving gifts?)

this last sentence is a reference to his brilliant fucking renaming of this miserable holiday, namely Smallpox-Infected-Blankets Weekend.

in other news, warren ellis also said the following good shit:

Sometimes I think about creating a website called Homicide Girls, where the subscription fees go towards funding human-hunts in the lawless wilds of the Ukraine.

(Or Oakland, CA. Though I’m sure Oakland has been cleaned by Oakland PD’s introduction of a single mounted officer last year.)

Because who wouldn’t want to see tattooed girls in fetishwear hunting humans with handguns, knives and perhaps the odd javelin?

I personally think I’m on to something, but the enthusiasm always wanes when I wake up sober.

i am right there with you, man.

how can one man distill so much social critique - racism, policing, the alt-dot empires, etc. - into such a short piece?

so my day was shit, my week's been much shit, but warren - warren makes it all better with his bleeding-eyeballs-bleach-my-brain-now stories.

also, this is not worksafe but it made me happy.

Losing My Political Faith

i should be happy that there is a growing anti-war contingent among the democrats. i can't because it's just another opportunistic manuever. as the war preparations ratcheted up, the democrats were keeping their eyes on their own reelection chances. they too are guilty of seeing the war mostly as a short-term political event, rather than the increasingly obvious catastrophe (humanitarian, political, geopolitical, national, moral ... ad infinitum) that it actually is.

what's more insulting about it is that they aren't even manufacturing a narrative about the war like the GOP -- which, as far as i can tell, mostly consists of using the words freedom, god, victory, resolve and terror a lot. the democrats, rather than countering this piss-poor, half-assed, brain-dead attempt at narrative-building with something better, did the me-too song and dance, and they sucked at it. i can't count how many times i've seen people express admiration and envy for the republican 'message machine.' i agree that it was superior at one time. it still is. however, the bush administration's message machine is a third-grader's warmed over imagined nostalgia for WWII myths salted heavily with flavors of the Cold War.

the democrats tried to ride bush's wave and they wiped out. they wanted to keep a pinky on the fence too, so they never committed to a firm stance on the war in iraq, and for many people that amounted to a lack of commitment to the war on terror. i think that they just didn't know what to do. people were afraid, and they wanted leaders who seemed like they did. i remember that not long before the election, i stopped to think about it for a second. i realized that i just wasn't deeply enthusiastic about kerry as a candidate. i really wanted him to win, but that's not the same as being a true supporter of the man.

it was at that point that i realized that i hated politics. i can't seem to stay away though.

if you're feeling nosy

names have been published.

new york
a - b | c - d | e - g | h - j | k - l | m - n | o - r | s | t - v | w - z

new jersey
a - l | m - z

and just because i'm on a roll... connecticut
all results

massachusetts...
a - c | d - h | i - m | n - r | s - z

and washington, d.c.
all results

now what?

i can waive into washington, d.c. as soon as i get sworn into new jersey, and i can get a real estate license in new york automatically. maybe i should just sell condos in new york. hey, i can smile like vanna white and wave my arms up and down while i point at lovely hardwood floors.

i can't concentrate at work. my unemployed friends (which comprise over 50% of my classmates) are already out partying. i wish i had better painkillers than bayer. i need to rally and get out early. then drink again!!!

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

i passed new york!!!!!

now if only the aspirin will kick in... last night i drank too much. i guess i'll do it again tonight. wheeeeeeeeee!@!

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSEDDDDDDDDDD NEW JERSEY!!!!

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

triple whammy of death

tomorrow the new jersey bar results are released.
on thursday, the new york bar results are released.
on friday, the california bar results are released.

i plan to be very very drunk on wednesday night. due to my own idiocy, i misplaced my new jersey bar exam i.d. number (i had to move a day after the new york and new jersey bar exams, so i pretty much had my friends come over and throw everything into boxes for me as i lay face down on the floor), so i won't find out my results until saturday when they mail it to me. this way, i have an extra three days of ignorant bliss.

but i can't hide from the new york results - they post by social security number, so i guess getting toasted wednesday night would be a good idea.

and to the california people, good luck. y'all took the big kahuna. you guys are truly EXTREME!

in the event that you did not do as well as you would have liked, keep in mind that you can still fail the bar and become first lady and then a new york senator.

Oh, How I Hate This

the white and dead center of a boston winter approaches much like a dreadful, howling apparition. soon, i will have my first winter slip on some dark ice and bust my ass yet again. i hope i don't spoil my ten-year running record of black ice induced ass-bustings without broken bones.

soon, we will have our earliest sunset. not long after that, we will have our latest sunrise, with the shortest day in between the two. this awful period is the price bostonians pay for those lovely summer days that last forever. it won't be long before i regain my habit of muttering 'i hate this' repeatedly while traveling from one enclosed space to another. to top it off, i will not only have trouble falling asleep. i will also have trouble waking up.

i need to move to the sunbelt.

Rape Is Terrorism, Part 2

another great comment at alas a blog:

i would imagine that i have a somewhat unique perspective on the rape culture in which i was raised. you see, i’m transsexual. i was born and raised as a male, and lived as male for close to 45 years. for the past 5 years, i’ve been living as female.

up until i transitioned, i was exposed to what i would consider typical male rape culture elements. i consider these elements typical, because they were rather consistent no matter where i was, or who i was with. every part of what i see as rape culture, from the jokes that my male friends and co-workers told, to the way that they spoke about women, to the media images i saw, to the very language we, as a culture, use, seemed quite the same. i’ve done some extensive traveling in the u.s. in my last job as a corporate sales trainer, and these elements seemed very much the same regardless of where i was, or who i was with - at least when i was with men, who were the primary customers of the business i worked in.

as a man, i never feared going out by myself. while i did employ a certain degree of caution while, say, out at night in new york city for example, i’d never think twice about going to the mall at night, and never thought about my safety while i walked from the mall to my car in the parking lot.

i was definately socialized as male. i never was “coached” with regard to personal safety or sexual encounters, other than to receive the cultural message that the more sexual encounters i had, the more “manly” i was. my friends and co-workers often spoke of their sexual “conquests”, and they were always congratulated with each “victory”.

i feel i have a fairly deep understanding of male culture, having been exposed to it on a first hand basis for close to half a century.

my perspective with regard to my personal safety was shattered on the first day i began my “real life test” - the period of time during transition of most transsexuals when they begin living in their target gender everyday, all day. i wrote briefly about it in the “my rape story” thread.

at that moment, i realized how vulnerable i was, how i no longer had *any* power over my own body, and how at any point, most men could simply take me for their own purpose and use. it was a moment of clarity in a very real sense, as all those years of hearing my male contemporaries’ exploits came rushing through my memory. it was at that moment that i saw their stories in a very different light. it was then i realized the impact of their stories. they were talking about me.

i suppose i am part of a privileged section of the trans community. i seem to have been able to integrate fairly well into society as a woman. based on how people in general treat me, it would appear that i am taken as a woman, at least most of the time. i don’t hear any negative comments like i did while i was transitioning, the time during which my body was still changing from the hormones i was taking, and while i was in the process of removing my beard through electrolysis. people refer to me as “ma’am” (or “miss” on a good day) without any prompting on my part, and use female pronouns to reference me. and i don’t get any stares from passers-by. well, except for the bolder men who look at me with lust in their eyes, if i happen to be wearing tight jeans. and i totally recognise that stare - i saw it on my contemporaries on many, many occasions.

for the past 5 years, i’ve seen that stare from the other side, as the recipient, instead of an observer. and i never realized how uncomfortable and unsafe it could feel.

up until very recently, i hadn’t gone out at night by myself in close to five years. and when i go out alone during the day, i’m very aware of my surroundings. i always park my car as close to the door as possible. i always have my keys out when i walk back to my car. i always lock my doors. when i put gas in my car, i’m always scanning the area for danger. no one told me to do these things. i just do them, because i feel i have to, just to be safe. or safer. even though intellectually, i know that my efforts will probably do me no good.

when i moved to phoenix this past january, i noticed on the news that a serial rapist was working my general neighborhood. he’d enter apartments of women through their windows or sliding doors, and rape them in the early morning hours. even though i live in a house, i was always uncomfortable leaving the window open. so i didn’t. i was *very* happy when they caught him, just a few months ago. of course, now there’s another rapist in the neighborhood. he attacks women as they walk down the street at night. so again, i feel very unsafe when i go out at night alone. i restrict that now to only going to the gym after dark when i get home from work, where i can park in a well-lit parking lot, in view of the front desk attendant.

perhaps there are some who would call me paranoid. but i can’t help the way i feel, based on how i *know* men think of, speak about, and perceive women. while it’s true that not all men are potential rapists, as far as i’m concerned, most are, or at least most actively contribute to the rape culture in which we live. i believe this, because i am (or perhaps was) as much a part of it as any other man.

Friday Cat-Blogging: The Waiting For Dorothy Edition, 2005

wAitiNG foR doROthY: Cat-Blogging
I'm Lonely, Neglected and Unloved
November 10, 2005


wAitiNG foR doROthY: Cat-Blogging
I'm So Pretty
November 10, 2005


wAitiNG foR doROthY: Cat-Blogging
Sigh... I Don't Need You, Really
November 10, 2005


wAitiNG foR doROthY: Cat-Blogging
In Fact, I Think I'm Bored With You
November 10, 2005

wAitiNG foR doROthY: Cat-Blogging
If You Don't Pet Me Right Now, I'm Going To Explode
November 10, 2005

Dear George

from kos:

Dear George.

I am a Vietnam-era graduate of the US Naval Academy. I served in the Navy for nine years, three of them working with airborne Marines and the 82nd Airborne at Fort Bragg. And I am so fucking angry I could scream.

Your piss-poor speech today - of all days - proves that you don't know jack shit about the military and the needs of men and women in uniform. You took a sacred occasion and turned it into a political soapbox to cover your chickenhawk ass. Fucking coward.

It's no wonder though. While serious people with real commitments were out fighting for this country honorably, you were a fucking liar and a deserter. You drank and snorted your way through a cushy-ass TANG assignment with your blue-blood daddy lying to cover your crimes. While the rest of us matured and grew into responsible adults, you fucking slid along like always, spending other people's money and passing the buck. You never learned the truth about leadership. It's all a fucking game to you.

... more ...

the recently unveiled mascots for the 2008 beijing olympics...

...look like hello kitty characters in drag.

Rape Is Terrorism

this is essentially the post i always meant to write, but didn't. actually, that describes most of my posts. i found this comment at alas a blog that perfectly expresses what i wanted to say, but never did:

Rape is a social control — whether it is stranger or aquaintance rape. It is more like an act of terrorism than it is an act of crime. Especially when you add in the factors of people’s good intentions of focusing primarily on what women can do or not do to prevent it from happening to them (as individuals). Rape, however, is not a singular act. It is not a singular abuse perpetrated by one person and played out on another person’s body. It is a socially condoned use of force that works to control women’s sexuality and women’s role in the social fabric. If you doubt that, read up a little on the rapes in the Congo. Rape is interwoven in how young men are socialized about their sexual role, about their need to be aggressive, to expect women to resist their charms, to give the woman sex because she will in turn give him love. That right there is the recipe for rape.

So no. Talking about women’s risk taking is akin to asking the men who worked for the WTO in the Trade Towers whether they had adequately figured the risk of terrorist attack, and shouldn’t they perhaps work in a different building. Or a different job. Or work from home. Or not be so blatent about whom the worked for. Perhaps if these men had simple been bankers, for say Wachovia, they would have been safer. Or perhaps they should be elementary school teachers — yes the pay and prestige would be less, but then so too would be the level of acceptable risk associated with terrorist acts.

Continually focusing on what women should or should not do actually points to the clear outline of our rape society — we have no problem suggesting that women curtail their freedom of choice or movement. We have no problem suggesting to women that public space is well, not quite so public for them because they might get raped, and then we can of course hold them responsible for being so naive as to think they can enjoy parks, streets, midnight walks in the same way that the average man can. Heaven forbid if a woman wants to walk to the public library after dark, by herself… she should know (especially if she is an adult) that such freedom is not reserved for her. And heaven forbid if she wants to be sexual in the ways that she wants to be sexual.

why are the french youths rioting?

one part of the answer: testosterone.

notice that the women aren't rioting? and they are also sick of being kicked around by the men in their communities. why is it that whenever there is a society marked by socioeconomic inequality, the women (and often children) in the lower echelons of social classes tend to get fucked up by the men in their own communities? and held back by said males when they (the women) want to get ahead in society and live freely.

i waffle back and forth between being upset that there exists such social inequality, which in some part causes some of the unrest, and just wanting to say "no excuses!" and kick these fuckers in the face. now i'm leaning towards wanting to kick the fuckers in the face.

if the women can chill out and strive to live a better life, why are the boys all fucking shit up and fucking up the women as well?

blech.

first penguins, now pandas.

thai pandas get married. how long will the religious right wait until they start touting the faux nuptials as a display of "family values"?

You can be a thief without meaning to

Stolen memoir?

"I feel bad that he feels bad," Mr. Broyles said, adding that he had read and admired "Baghdad Express." "Maybe some of it stuck in my mind or maybe it was already there," he said.

"I don't have any conscious memory of using anything out of his book," Mr. Broyles said. "I can remember reading it and thinking, this guy really has it down. It was one of those unintentional coincidences that is frustrating for him, but there has been no effort to take anything from him."

Joel Turnipseed may still have a cause of action for copyright infringement. Even if someone subconsciously (i.e. with no awareness) lifted your material and made it his own, that person may still be liable. See here.

George Harrison's subconscious landed him in serious legal trouble in 1970, when he was sued for aping the Chiffons' "He's so Fine" with his song "My Sweet Lord." Harrison acknowledged his familiarity with the Chiffons' hit but claimed that he wrote his song without any attempt to copy it. Judge Owen decided against Harrison, ruling, "It is clear that 'My Sweet Lord' is the very same song as 'He's so Fine.' Under the law, this is infringement of copyright, and is no less so even though it may have been subconsciously accomplished." Although the album featuring "My Sweet Lord" was number one on the Billboard charts for seven weeks, Harrison never received any royalties. About the suit, Harrison remarked, "I still don't understand how the courts aren't filled with similar cases as 99 percent of the popular music that can be heard is reminiscent of something or other."

Broyles admitted that he had exposure to Turnipseed's work and even suggested that much of it may have "stuck in his mind." Be careful what you say! You're diggin' yer grave, Broyles...

Now back to work.

dear moveon.org:

please. stop. spamming. me.

But I'm a CHEERLEADER!

dood.

Two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders were charged after their arrest at a bar where witnesses told police the women had sex in a restroom.

Renee Thomas, 20, of Pittsboro, N.C., and Angela Keathley, 26, of Belmont, N.C., were taken to Hillsborough County Jail early Sunday.

Witnesses said the women were having sex in a stall with each other, angering patrons waiting in line to get into the restroom at the club in the Channelside district.

what's the fun of being a cheerleader if you can't fuck the other girls on the team?

oh, and BTW - that's angela pictured.

na na na na

goodbye.

but another head will just spring up through the severed stump.

What Have We Done?

i feel like our military power, all of this industrial american might, has been marshalled for nothing more than the project of internalizing the abyss. the more we invoke the name the god, the more i feel its absence in the world.

pardon me for the lack of posting

as well as working my butt off, my girlfriend and i are also starting a small business, and i need to research how to form an LLC. for some reason, barbri and my corporations class decided not to mention this highly used corporate structure in very much detail. it just goes to show how slowly legal education lapses behind current trends (and i say "current" with some sarcasm, as LLCs aren't that new anymore). likewise, the laws surrounding the internet are still a mess.

anyway, i may be absent for a while.

The End Of Culture

you can now live at the mall. if you're from dallas texas, that is.

A Fine Callout For The Pompous Pious

hunter is one of my favorite posters on daily kos. he knows how to preach it:

Even though our own Catholic church offered the same relief, my mother went to the Lutheran church a few blocks from our house, so that those we went to church with wouldn't know or ever hear that our family needed to beg for a week's groceries. And no matter what came, we never but never took any government help. There was pride, and then there was pride.

So given all that -- just a single week of falling off an edge that lurks just beyond the refrigerator door of millions of families in this nation -- I'll never understand the Republican fascination with screwing the poor at every opportunity. Countless numbers of American middle class families are one month, one week, or one very bad day away from being poor, indebted, or homeless, or at the very least not having enough food for the kids during one particular week. While my Catholic family was indeed, sigh, unalterably Republican, watching the Reagan years it didn't take much to demonstrate just how much Republicans loathed the middle class -- the average folks who had paychecks, not trusts, and whose most sizable long-term investments consisted of the savings account at their bank, not stock market portfolios.

And I'm not talking "ignored", or "were indifferent to", but absolute hatred. The idea that some poor person, somewhere, might be sucking a dime too many out of the system is largely used as the reason to carve, gut and bury whatever safety-net welfare programs the party sets its eyes on. Rather screw a thousand people, than to have the children of some undeserving "welfare queen" get milk today.

Daily Kos Is On Fire Today

well, at least something is good this morning.

i lost the money order my roommate gave me for her rent. so, not only do i have to make room in my budget to pay her rent in case i never find the money order, i spent all day yesterday bashing my brains out on three proofs for a discrete math assignment and the professor gave us a last minute extension. i did the first half with no problem over the last week. i thought one evening would be enough to complete the second half. little did i know.

math students: don't ever put off the proofs.

p.s. despite the bitchiness, i actually enjoyed that assignment. math gets interesting again after linear algebra. i finally made it over the hump.

Hardee Har Har

this is too rich. though nothing about this is a surprise. politicians can be such slimy fuckers anyhow.

very busy

leaving at 7am and not getting back home until 9:30 or 10:30 - and not having an internet connection at work (yet) and having a broken laptop (again) at home - makes a person ig'nent. harriet miers decided to "step down"? and that person doesn't really care. that person just wants to eat something besides store bought food (because homecooked meals taste better and don't cost so damn much) and pay her bills. her $140k of loans are kicking in in janary, her relationship just moved to the next level, and her health insurance runs out just as her loans kick in. and she finds out her bar results in a few weeks. so that person is concerned about things that really matter in her life, not the silly bickering in washington d.c. that she was able to pore over when she was unemployed.

i have to get off my second roommate's computer now.