today i decided to post about me. because it's my thirtieth birthday week, i decided that to talk about myself was in order.
let's see. well, between sunday and monday, i had three panic attacks, one of which was very severe. i have to say i suffered quite a bit physically and mentally; it's extraordinary what your own body can do to you. these happened around my birthday party at the house of my 'rental units in rhode island on sunday, which sucked, but i survived them.
it's been a long time since a real panic attack has struck me, mostly because i avoid stimuli likely to case them. i've been slowly widening my tolerance through slow exposure and biofeedback techniques (controlling symptoms through various techniques; the most effective i learned from my zen master back in high school some ten years before the first panic attack reared its ugly head).
i had a lovely birthday anyway (fuck you, anxiety attacks), with great servings of roast turkey and stuffing and my élite chef sister's scratch-baked cake.
i got presents, but i'm a nightmare to shop for; my transition to crazy old lady with too many cats is clearly underway. my family managed to find things i needed - i'm pretty spartan, though i try to help people who feel they need to buy objects to make me happy. they do make me happy, but i never have a sexy list of things i want like some people do. this makes me guilty, to be honest, because it makes it hard for my family. they have an instinctive need to give worthy gifts, and mostly i just need healthcare, surgery and mental recovery, not things they can get me.
oh, the presents. they were pretty wise. the final season of angel, which i wanted because i never saw they episode where my belov'd "fred" died.
winifred "fred" burkle
man, i love those librarians. mm, mmm, mmmmmm.
i also got a gift certificate for (half) a haircut at my favourite clipper store, judy jetson inc., and some money, which i dutifully put aside for medical needs. (*sigh*)
my actual birthday wasn't sunday, it's in a few days, and i'm not planning on doing anything special. maybe a movie? i dunno.
it's raining today, which is nice because it means the temperature is sufficient for airing the house. i think it's time for some roast turkey leftovers and some housecleaning; i just finished reading a fun novel about the apocalypse - sort of - by andrei codrescu, and i've got a philip dick novel i haven't read before awaiting me for later today's enjoyment. it's my birthday week, so i'm trying to enjoy it.
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