worst poetry in the universe

if you've seen or read hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy - excellent on film, BTW - you'll recall this moment:

Vogon poetry is of course the third worst in the Universe.

The second worst is that of the Azagoths of Kria. During a recitation by their Poet Master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode To A Small Lump of Green Putty I Found In My Armpit One Midsummer Morning" four of his audience died of internal haemorrhaging, and the President of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived by gnawing one of his own limbs off. Grunthos is reported to have been "disappointed" by the poem's reception, and was about to embark on a reading of his twelve- book epic entitled "Zen And The Art Of Going To The Lavatory" when his own major intestine, in a desperate bid to save the universe, leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain.

The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator, Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Greenbridge, Essex, England in the destruction of the planet Earth.

the original poet mentioned by adams was actually a different person, an old classmate of his named paul neil milne johnstone

who, incidentally, was apparently quite displeased that 1. he was listed as the worst poet in the entire universe in a nationwide radio broadcast; 2. his complete home address was included in the story as well.

for this reason, adams changed the name and address in subsequent forms of the story (there were, apparently, nine separate versions of HGtG, of which one allegedly was a towel.)

ANYWAY, here's the real, honest-to-god poem written by the real paul neil milne johnstone, which was kept with attribution to paula nacy millstone jennings in later versions of the story.

The dead swans lay in the stagnent pool.
They lay. They rotted. They turned
Around occassionally.
Bits of flesh dropped off them from
Time to time.
And sank into the pool's mire.
They also smelt a great deal.

shite, that's just fucking AWFUL.

but apparently, for the world's TRULY worst poetry, one must read something by william mcgonagall, whose "homage" website is all asnicker as to how much said poet truly sucked. in fact, the header of the page says, "William Topaz McGonagall, poet and tragedian of Dundee, has been widely hailed as the writer of the worst poetry in the English language."