The Invisible Suffering

today, susie madrak has another post about her increasingly untenable financial situation:

They make me want to scream. No, they make me want to punch them in the face and feel the satisfying crunch of cheekbone against my fist. But that would make me Not A Nice Person, and these are my loved ones. I should cut them some slack, right? So my solution, I’m afraid, is to avoid them.

just last night, i was chatting online with my younger sister, and i confessed that lately i've been fantasizing about the mother of all great depressions -- the kind that destroys rich and poor alike. i'm not entertaining these thoughts because i am suffering financially right now. i'm under a lot of stress and even in the best of times, i'm a poor sleeper. but, i don't feel very confident about my prospects for the future, and i'm worried that george bush and his merry band of assholes are going to be successful in their crusade to destroy every last bit of a safety net we have in their quest for a large, disposable supply of cheap labor.

i think i have an innate tendency to depression and catastrophic thinking. sometimes, i become deeply petty and resentful towards perfect strangers for not experiencing the grip of cold panic that overtakes me when i'm not mentally or emotionally 'with it.' i know my little pet fantasy isn't much different from the dreams of rapture that fundamentalists entertain in which all the wicked are punished, the righteous are rewarded, and everyone wakes up to the way things 'should be'. i also don't really relish the prospect of living through a global, financial meltdown.

i'm mostly pissed off at the incredible stupidity of bush voters who support economic policies that cater to the wealthiest people who have ever lived in all of human history because of their moronic belief that they're going to be one of them some day or because they're deeply concerned about gay marriage and abortion ... or prayer in school and posting the ten commandments on public property. they blithely support our piss poor health care delivery apparatus and the destruction of social insurance because they foolishly believe their special talents and worthiness ensure that they will never suffer for it. it's inconceivable for them that a single personal setback could wipe out their entire net worth and render their fancy degrees useless. they certainly can't entertain that possibility where their oh so special, brilliant, perfect offspring are concerned.

yes, i know i sound like an embittered, liberal elitist. bite me. i'm in a shitty mood.