Wednesday, August 08, 2007

hello.



hi readers. lately, i've been suffering from a malady that can can only be described as a thirty-something crisis. okay, i won't even call it that. it's more like "annoying yupster angst." if yuppie angst ticks you off, i would advise skipping this post.

it's the realization that my parents were right about more things that i'd like to admit. it's the observation that i'm losing my liberal guilt and becoming guilty about losing it. it's the understanding that living in this part of the country is a royal pain, and the dream that i had as a kid in north carolina of moving to nyc and being a media mogul (or at least being in the cast of saturday night live) is simply becoming "cute". it's the weird desire to move back to my hometown. it's the weird feeling that i get that said desire is somehow a concession of defeat. it's the weird feeling that i get that said concession isn't such a bad thing. it's the wake-up call that my fiancee wants a family in two years, with or without me. it's the completely uncharacteristic response of mine, namely "all right, why not?" and then the resulting panic that chilluns are serious shit, and i have 730... no... 729 days of being selfish left. i don't know. i'm too old to fuck around, but a little voice in my head is telling me that i'm also too young to tie myself down. "hey, you still have a shot. don't burden yourself any more responsibilities than you already have." but is it worth risking what i already have for possibilities that may never happen?

please stand by. this too shall pass. hopefully.

in the meantime, check out women running races in high heels.

4 comments:

emily1 said...

there's a credit squeeze in MA. that means house prices are about to go into a nose dive. if prospective borrowers with good credit can't get loans, the current selling prices can't possibly hold.

maybe in two years, you and your fiancee will have the money and savings to get a loan on a 3-4 bed condo here in the boston metro region. i don't know what to expect for new york. new york may just be a unique market. it's a city where people from all over the world want to live. you'd be competing with the foreign _and_ american wealthy trying to buy a home in that region.

however, the boston metro region is really nice. cambridge is gay-friendly and has tree-lined streets, good schools, lots of parks, plenty of entertainment, nightlife and other young adults. not that i need to tell you that, since you already know.

at the risk of sounding like a broken record, providence is also very nice. in fact, i think it is more beautiful in places than cambridge. the upside to both locations is that you can visit new york more easily from boston or providence than you can from north carolina. your fiancee has family in new york and jersey and no matter how much you vent now, i know you adore new york city. maybe you won't be able to live in it or just outside of it, but it's possible to live close enough so you can be there frequently.

emily2 said...

honestly, i think it's the "kids" thing that's causing me to panic. once you have kids, your life changes. you stop living for yourself, and you put the little pooper (literally) first. priorities start to shift. i have no problems living next to the 'hood, but if i have a kid, that's not an option. when you have a kid, you can't take as many risks, etc.

i'd love to live in a DINK (double income no kids) situation for as long as i can. i'd like the timetable to be longer than 2 years. i don't like timetables. the timetable issue has me in "freak out" mode.

well, on the bright side, it's not like we're hetero. we can't have an "oops" baby.

emily1 said...

it's natural freak out about becoming a parent. a parent is responsible for a defenseless human being who is totally unable to care for themselves for a long period of time. children require high levels of long-term investment in order to survive well in our society including an education that lasts well into early adulthood and beyond.

the prospect of having to provide all of that in addition to a nice home, health care insurance, and a good elementary and secondary education is frightening. though, i would caution anyone against setting an arbitrary deadline to have children based on anything other than ability to provide for a child's needs. decide what is necessary to do this first and then choose a deadline based on how long it will take to acquire these things without further burdening yourself with debt obligations that threaten _your_ basic economic security before the kid is even born.

and um... don't let yourself be pressured into parenthood before you're ready. having children really should be a mutual decision based on actual desire to have a child as opposed to trying to avoid having your significant other break up with you because you're 'dragging your feet'.

emily2 said...

i just don't like being pressured in general. this two year deadline thing is totally uncalled for.

i only got hired full time three months ago, and barely two years ago i was sleeping on a futon i took off the street and sharing a converted studio with another student.

for now, i like having a cash flow and enjoying life. i do have suicidal amounts of loans, but the fact that i don't have to do things like ration food while i wait for a student loan check is quite nice. i can now order an appetizer AND a meal without becoming stressed out. i can do this and even save a small amount of money.

basically, i would like to enjoy my double income no kids lifestyle for a few years.