hello, i'm emily3.

this is my first attempt at writing here. hello all.

this week my luck has been changing. everything is coming out clean. i'm not quite sure how i've done it; i've been a smart fuckup for my entire life, which really just means i'm smart enough to cut corners and it often burns me in the end. i also am extremely distractable, which is why i'm a musician. music is the only thing that can perpetually hold my attention--in fact, it is the tool i've used to help myself generally concentrate for years. i'm pretty sure that music has saved my life more than once, too. so as things stand, my entire life is arranged around my intent to make noise.

intellectual snobbery had me down for a long time. somehow, as kids, we're lead to believe that music is not a truly cerebral profession. rock stars (it is well known) exist to trash hotel rooms and overdose on heroin. especially now that we live in a numb separatist world where music is judged on technicality and classical musicians take beta blockers to eradicate those pesky nerves so they can seem even more perfect, i find myself at odds with both society's attitudes towards musicians and many musicians' views of music. all i have to say is: american idol. you should know exactly what i mean.

i've had all the training. now i just need to be courageous and speak my mind. i've been practicing auxiliary instruments lately (piano and voice and guitar) just so i can be truly versatile. to be a female musician in this culture you must be bloodthirsty. you have to be the bellwether. you have to be just a bit harder, faster, sharper, intense and inthepocket. i have been playing my entire life and still have to scratch and claw my way around. it is exhausting simply to demand respect from others. it takes a lot of fucking courage. but i love what i do. i wouldn't do anything else. i could successfully have a billion other careers, but i know that i'd be miserable. i'd stick my head in the oven, in the end. so instead i've just been playing my heart out and it seems....maybe things are gonna come through. we'll see.

(thank you for inviting me to write. )