Sun Dreams

the northeast is a faithless, cruel, head-gaming bitch sometimes. hot and cold. wet and dry. her love is mercurial, undependable, and... inexplicably irresistible. those entranced by it suffer through an endless, punishing death of cold that persists for nearly five months out of every year.

april and may are hard months. it's always cold at night, and it's often cold in the day. there are many torrential downpours of rain blown sideways by umbrella-crunching wind. frequently, surprise monsoons arrive on a bright, sunny day without warning. they obliterate the sun and flood everything within minutes before disappearing just as quickly.

right now, i'm dreaming of days when heat radiates from the ground and the air is something you could swim in. it puts an instant sweat on a cold bottle of beer which feels heavenly if you rest it against your cheek. the evenings and nights are alive with people and movement, when all the cool breezes are a welcome mercy after the listless heat of the day. that's the only time in the whole year when a 7-eleven slurpee tastes good.

the best part is throwing open all the windows and doors and leaving them that way for weeks. i like all the whirring fans placed strategically throughout the house, running day and night. i relish the light that lasts past eight o'clock at night. being able to have an espresso at a cafe sidewalk just about any time of the day definitely counts for something. after a life of trudging from one small enclosed space to another, the immediacy of the world is a welcome change.

i no longer mutter, "i hate this. fuck this. this sucks." under my breath as i step out the door. i started thinking about growing things and that old frustration at not having a garden washes over me. as a compromise, i found a relatively empty area in the yard we share with two other apartment complexes and planted four onions because it seemed cruel to chop them up and eat them after they sprouted spontaneously in my kitchen.