andy ihnatko done kilt me

with today's yellowtext tidbit:

I was leafing through a copy of Reader's Digest at the grocery store when I encountered a feature that the magazine had apparently added recently. Or at least at some point in the eleven years since I used to read it at my grandparents' house. They still run jokes that were sent in by readers, but now they also print a really lame one and solicit a better punchline. Email an improvement to the magazine and you've got a shot at a hunnert clams.

This month's problem child:

Q: How is an elephant like a tomato?

A: Neither one can wear a wristwatch!

Well, bravo to the RD. Yes, they remain the unapologetic mouthpieces for the international Freemason conspiracy to add fluoride to the money supply, but they know sucky comedy when it bursts from the chest of a crewman and starts killing Colonial Marines after a bafflingly short gestation period.

I jotted down the email address. When I got back home, I sent them my improved version:

Q: How is an elephant like a tomato?

A: They both create a big, red, pulpy mess when you throw one at somebody.

And then I ordered $100 worth of books and DVDs off of Amazon. In retrospect, I might have been a bit hasty. It's important for any freelance author to know one's market, after all; I'm not sure how well this joke will play when it's read in the bathroom of a recreational vehicle.

that's the kind of snappy, snarky response to which i aspire: Yes, they remain the unapologetic mouthpieces for the international Freemason conspiracy to add fluoride to the money supply, but they know sucky comedy when it bursts from the chest of a crewman and starts killing Colonial Marines after a bafflingly short gestation period.

dizzam, bizzotch! he mixes metaphors so fast it makes me puke from the vertigo.