make me coffee

caution: this post is not about kittens. (yay!)

today's lesson is about coffee, although in many ways it is actually about the careful self-deprecation and insults used between friends and among members of the same minority groups (i.e. both kinds).

emily1 and myself, we are caffeine addicts. we have a caffeteria, an italian stovetop espresso maker - not an espresso machine, the boil-on-stove thing. and we drink coffee all the time, though properly it's european coffee, not that watery shit americans think is coffee. we like to drink coffee that could be substituted for rocket fuel in case of an oil shortage, and which in fact resembles crude oil. only it smells really, really good.

but there can be no peace between perfectionist-addicts.

so a war ensues, a war of humourous insults concerning the ability to imbibe and preferred preparation of our respective caffè.

let it be clear:
emily1 prepares her coffee by pouring the scalding, boiling espresso into a glass, then placing said glass to her lips and drinking it: a triple or quadruple espresso.
emily0 prepares her coffee by heating up milk, then adding a shot or two of aforementioned hot espresso: a latte, single or double.

my own concoction is the cause of much amusing insult from ms. one, mostly along the lines of wuss coffee, swamp yankee watered-down shit, pussy coffee, homo coffee, NPR coffee. and in return, she gets the that explains the hair on your breasts, southern comfort, red state mud, white trash coffee, too-cheap-to-buy-milk coffee, übercoolpeople muck sort of line. and both of us use these phrases - i use insults about my coffee to describe it - "i'm making some of my pussy coffee, you want some?"

i also have a tendency to demand, "bitch, make me coffee!" which usually gets the response, *slowly raised fist then slowly raised middle finger*.

now, these are exactly the kind of insults what are dire tween people, but tween friends somehow you can say these things. there's nothing i hate more than the use of the word pussy as an insult - "you are a vagina!" somehow bothers me, can't imagine why - but i use the word myself. it's a self-loathing thing, i think, or a reclamation. i dunno, i don't really think about my reasons for it, but i'd never use it in front of people i don't know.

which is why i thought to write this post. what things do we say when we are in private? it makes for solidarity in some peculiar way, but somehow this isn't exactly 'using the master's tools to tear down the master's house'.

i don't have much more of a point, except that i hope you now imagine us insulting each other's "gay" or "kentucky" coffee. it must be funny to watch, but i guess no-one gets to.

besides the cats.

ha! i lied. this post mentions cats.