random live blogging

didn't have an internet connection until now...

[a quick aside: john kerry has bill clinton's haircut. is this intentional?]

10:00 pm: BUSH - "i will not impose a litmus test for judges. i will appoint judges who will interpret the constitution" - THAT'S WHAT JUDGES DO, YOU DUMB ASS. but constitutional interpretation is not cut and dry. there is wiggle room. a lot of wiggle room. basically, this means he will appoint judges that interpret the constitution according to right-wing values, which is in effect, a litmus test.

10:05 pm: BUSH - "The best way to relieve our troops is to succeed in Iraq." well what's your plan, sucka? it's common knowledge that we're understaffed in iraq. what's the solution? a draft? overtime? anyone? bueller?

10:10 pm: KERRY - on the assault weapons ban: i own guns and i shoot animals. it's fun! i hunted in iowa once! hunting is fun!

10:13 pm: KERRY - on affirmative action: quotas based on race and affirmative action are bad. i was against that. [um, yeah, that was already decided by the supreme court in 1978 in univ. of california v. bakke. move along now...]

10:16 pm: BUSH - on faith and policy decisions: "i pray a lot! i pray for strength and wisdom." (actual quote!) well, you better pray harder then... 'cuz it ain't working!

10:17 pm: BUSH - God loves Afghanistan!

10:20 pm: KERRY - john mccain is mah dawg! he's a cool republican.

10:22 pm: BUSH - [earlier: ted kennedy is a left-wing nutjob, and kerry is worse!] now: hey, ted kennedy is cool! i worked with him on the no child left behind act! and john mccain likes me better! he's MY DAWG! neener!

10:24 pm: BUSH - on strong women: strong women are sexy! and my wife can speak english better than me!

10:25 pm: KERRY - on strong women: i married up! yay!

10:26 pm: KERRY - "idears" are cool. and did you all know i fought in vietnam? and god bless the united states of america!

10:29 pm: BUSH - there is a painting in the oval office of a mountain scene by a painter from texas, and it's really optimistic. and that's how i feel about america! [what?!] and we should "rally the armies of compassion!" [huh?] now vote for me. and god bless you.

conclusion:
both of them are down with strong women and john mccain.

epilogue:

rudy giuliani had a face lift. i see the scar on the left side of his face.

and oh my god! it's bob kerrey, former senator of nebraska! with a cosmopolitan haircut!

okay i'm done. the end.