I Need To Kill Something

i feel shitty and pissed off at everyone today. i've had a VERY bad start to my semester. it isn't getting any better. in all likelihood, i failed my calculus test today. my house is really not all that great a place for studying -- there are too many distractions and no way to shut them out.

there's no door on my room. my bedroom's sole electrical outlet is plotting my fiery death as i type. the gas company is taking its sweet time removing the enormous, ancient heater taking up half the available space in said room. therefore, i have nowhere to put my desk. it's lying on my floor in pieces, where i manage to stub my toe on it at least once every other day. oh, did i mention that there is no ceiling light in my room? i have to use a floor lamp that flickers on and off every time i jar the plug every so lightly.

because umass calculates the credit value of classes according to some arcane system that eschews all quaint notions that such things should be consistent, i didn't know that my physics class has two discussion sections a week. i've been (sporadically) attending one of them. every other 4 credit class i've had met 4 hours a week, so i thought this one did too. imagine my embarrassment when the professor asks me where the hell i've been. i will never live this down. i look like a fucking idiot. i am a fucking idiot. i already want this semester to be over.

i wish i had my old bedroom back. the one with the door and plentiful electrical outlets. it also came with a bigger, more modern apartment. the only drawback was that it was located in the most boring neighborhood i have ever occupied. actually, there's another drawback -- the two hour round trip to school by subway.

i am experiencing sporadic insomnia. gee, what else is new? marijuana is the only thing that helps me sleep without leaving me drugged and fatigued all the next day. however, it makes me stupid and slow, so I'm not particularly effective at absorbing and retaining information. i need to find another solution for my anxiety and insomnia.

one that doesn't involve illegal substances or ripping anyone's head off and sucking their brains out their neck. even though that would be really satisfying. especially if i did it to one of those twats who hasn't internalized the Shut The Fuck Up Doctrine for the morning rush hour on the subway.

i am broke. umass is taking eight hundred years to print my rebate check, and my old landlord is giving me trouble with my security deposit. my car's radiator died last week. the mechanic replaced it for over four hundred dollars, only to tell me that the heater core also needed to be replaced.

just effing great. if those assholes had bothered to find that out from the beginning, i'd have chosen NOT to have the car repaired at all and scrapped the damned thing or sold it for practically nothing. but nooooooooooooo, they had to replace an expensive part for a car that i don't want to keep anymore. to pay for *that*, I have to convince someone to buy it even thought they'll have to spend two hundred dollars immediately getting it repaired. unless of course, they relish the idea of driving it around with no heat in the dead of winter.

i couldn't get a functioning computer until two weeks into the school year. the crappy ebay vendor i bought it from sat on my order for 10 days before they bothered to ship it. then it took another week to get here, and when it did, UPS delivered it to the wrong address. the sucknut i bought my physics textbook from couldn't drag its lazy ass to the post office to ship it for FIVE FUCKING DAYS after i paid for it. so, yeah -- I got to weather the first two weeks of physics without a textbook.

i am *this* close to ripping bellies out and devouring human hearts raw.