Hopeless

i feel pretty depressed today. i know that i've declared off and on that i would be leaving the country if bush gets another four years. now that the election is just days away, i'm starting to contemplate what that would mean. you never realize how much a creature you are of your natal culture until you're outside of it. i feel alienated. i feel like we don't really have anything but false choices. i didn't and still don't feel very enthusiastic about john kerry as a candidate.

why does everyone care so much about vietnam? why did we all waste so much time arguing about a 30 year old war instead of the one going on right now? why are so many political discussions, public and private, of the he-said, she-said variety? i mean, what's the fucking point? are people really that simple-minded?

i'm afraid of the religious right, to be sure. but, i have no doubt that the people who really run things around here would dispense with them in a heartbeat if they were no longer politically expedient. seriously, cheney and crowd don't give a shit about whether fags and dykes get married. they don't give a shit about little mary from the midwest sneaking into planned parenthood and getting an abortion without her parents' permission. they really don't give a flying fuck about what they teach high school biology students in kansas.

i just have a sinking feeling that no matter how many people vote for kerry, bush is still going to be president after the polls close, and basically that means the religious right is going to get their way. the republicans can't avoid rewarding them for those crucial evangelical votes. i'd rather move elsewhere and pay taxes to a government that doesn't flirt with authoritarian creatures who abuse a doctrine of peace and love to enforce an aesthetic of violence, retribution, and control. they aren't really all that different from fanatical muslims who privilege the kind of jihad that involves beheading other human beings over the jihad against their own inner sinners.

i have a friend who lives in london who said he'd help me find a job there. i think i'm going to take him up on the offer when i graduate. i'd like to take my chances with a government not headed by people who are partially beholden to religious fundamentalists. i'm leaning towards leaving even if kerry wins.