where oh where is tinkerbell?

paris hilton's cranky pint sized pooch is missing! sound the alarm! where oh where can little tinkerbell be?

perhaps richard gere mistakened it for a gerbil, and poor tinkerbell is shivering in a fetal position in mr. gere's bowels. if that were the case, even years of expensive doggie therapy won't be enough to cure the emotional scarring. or could it be... that tinkerbell decided to come out of the closet as a rat and has cast her fate into the wind, escaping to her much maligned but free brethren in the subways of new york city, far far away from the evil clutches of a "coo coo"ing hotel heiress? we knew it all along! don't live a lie, tinkerbell. we support you!

[haha! i beat cnn to this story of national importance. slow news day, eh cnn? if this pooch is really as ornery as they say, perhaps we should raise the terror level to code orange. we don't want a feral mexican import terrorizing southern california, attacking pedestrians and biting law enforcement officers' ankles. someone call rummy. and then michelle malkin, so she can use this as new "research" for a sequel to another one of her books.]