Free Market Special Protection Force

clearly this individual must be tracked down and sent to Capitalist Re-Education Camp. the free market in charitable works will be destroyed by this shameless act of dumping good works for free. we simply cannot allow this sort of thing to continue. if more people were brainwashed into following this person's example, we stand the risk of destroying the very thing that helps millions of sinners get into heaven every year. yes, good citizens of the world - if too many people started giving freely of their wealth, we could face the unimaginable horror of a world with no poor people. thousands upon thousands would have to go to hell since do-gooders don't get made in a world with no good to do.

the only acceptable response to winning a fortune through absolutely no effort of one's own is greedily grab your hundred dollar bills and press them lovingly against your cheeks or perhaps touch them to the tip of your nose and breath deeply, all the while whispering, 'Mine! All mine!' don't let it be said that your mama raised a fool -- make sure you report each and every act of genorosity on your income tax return. or better yet, arrange matters so that you don't have to pay any taxes. clearly, by off-loading all taxes onto the backs of the less fortunate, we will ensure a never-ending supply of targets for the loving charity of devout people for generations to come.