Happy Smallpox-Infected-Blankets Weekend.

in a week of shit, on the day when really bad shit happened all at once to my family from five directions, warren ellis made it all fucking tolerable. i can't express my thanks enough.

And Fuck The Turkey You Rode In On

THE ENGINE, as an international online destination, is Thanksgiving-free.

Gnawing on a dried-out plucked buzzard to celebrate Britain chucking all the creepy inbred sandal-chewing God-botherers into boats and shipping them all off to a continent cursed by earthquakes, hurricanes and tornados? Not at THE ENGINE you’re not.

THE ENGINE is the No Thanksgiving Zone. Consider us your virtual shelter from tryptophan poisoning, screaming children you’re only distantly related to, elderly estranged relatives forgetting your name and puking unidentifiable vegetable matter sprinkled with bits of Oxycontin into your lap, mom drinking gin and bleach and shrieking that you’ll all miss her when she’s gone, and grandma’s new boyfriend masturbating into your sock drawer while you’re half-conscious in front of the television.

I love you.

– W

(P.S.: Brian Wood’s just reminded me of something. Why don’t the Americans give each other blankets as Thanksgiving gifts?)

this last sentence is a reference to his brilliant fucking renaming of this miserable holiday, namely Smallpox-Infected-Blankets Weekend.

in other news, warren ellis also said the following good shit:

Sometimes I think about creating a website called Homicide Girls, where the subscription fees go towards funding human-hunts in the lawless wilds of the Ukraine.

(Or Oakland, CA. Though I’m sure Oakland has been cleaned by Oakland PD’s introduction of a single mounted officer last year.)

Because who wouldn’t want to see tattooed girls in fetishwear hunting humans with handguns, knives and perhaps the odd javelin?

I personally think I’m on to something, but the enthusiasm always wanes when I wake up sober.

i am right there with you, man.

how can one man distill so much social critique - racism, policing, the alt-dot empires, etc. - into such a short piece?

so my day was shit, my week's been much shit, but warren - warren makes it all better with his bleeding-eyeballs-bleach-my-brain-now stories.

also, this is not worksafe but it made me happy.