oh sweet jesus, i'm crying. i can barely see. because i'm laughing so fucking hard.
oh yaLLah, read the 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to to while in the US army.
Explanations of these events:jesus, she must be lucky.
- I did myself, and either got in trouble or commended. (I had a Major shake my hand for the piss bottle thing, for instance.) [n.b. 154: Shouldn't treat piss-bottles with extra-strength icy hot.]
- I witnessed another soldier do it. (Like the Sergeant we had, that basically went insane, and crucified some dead mice.)
- Was spontaneously informed I was not allowed to do. (Like start a porn studio.)
- Was the result of a clarification of the above. (“What about especially patriotic porn?”)
- I was just minding my own business, when something happened. (“Schwarz...what is that?” said the Sgt, as he pointed to the back of my car. "Um... a rubber sheep... I can explain why that's there....")
To explain how I've stayed out of jail/alive/not beaten up too badly..... I'm funny, so they let me live.
i didn't check if skippy was a girl or not, but she seems to be one based on the majority of items in this list, eg. the piss bottle incident, the stripping rules, the dancing in the turret, the drag queen in formation.
just go read it yourself. i nearly died reading lines like:
145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.this soldier has too much time on her hands. someone give her a toothbrush and point her at the bathroom.146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.
2 comments:
he writes like a woman. i can't quantify it, but...
I particularly appreciated #87 (Skippy may not perform any act the contemplation of which causes him to giggle for more than 15 seconds).
And perhaps it's just my preconceptions, but repeated references to inflatable sheep don't read female to me. ;-p
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