in one of the stories from warren ellis' global frequency, the global frequency dispatches a woman who is the one of the foremost experts in the world on software and psychology to combat an alien invasion.
but this invasion isn't little green men - it's a sound transmission carrying a sophisticated viral meme that infects humans like software viruses do your hard drive. it reprograms you without damaging the physical body.
well, it is springtime in cambridge, and it is time for the pear trees to blossom. pear blossoms smell like man-spunk.
that's right, kiddos. the "cum trees" are in bloom.
yes, my em'lys and my henrys, i have a viral meme - and you just caught it. you got pear blossom brain fever, and it's as incurable as genital herpes. now you will never, ever be able to smell the strange, throat-ticklingly bleachy scent of pear blossoms without thinking of the strange, throat-ticklingly bleachy scent of cum.
don't fight it. don't even try. it's burnt into your brain; the virus has now done to you what a certain yale secret society did to our president - branded you on the asscheeks so that you can never forget whose bitch you are.
i bet you think the meme will fade. nuh-uh. you can spread it around (which eases the pain and suffering - clearly a function of the virus's adaptive reproductive system, ensuring its survival) - but you cannot be cured.
it will happen like this: one day, you are walking with your mother-in-law, or perhaps an important client, or maybe you are sitting at the big folks' table with the judges and the politicians, and then, from nowhere, right in the middle of sentence (yours or someone else's), your lizard brain sniffs that unwholesomely irresistable stink. you realise what is happening but you are as helpless as a virgin male on his first fuck: before you realise what's happening, even what you are sensing, your body instantly reacts. your mouth spurts, "JISM BLOSSOMS!"
and then the meme has them, too. and it's your fault, you fuck.
don't say i didn't warn you: judges become angry when you give them brain-herpes.
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