bait to bring upon the rapture

this, my friends, is what happens when you get hooked on that crack-demon called xtianity:

Ned and about 65 million other fellow American Evangelical cultists love Jews for one simple reason: They hope to bundle every hairy Jewish ass up, air-freight them to the West Bank and East Jerusalem (once those areas have been cleansed of Muslims), and use the Jews as bait to bring upon the Rapture, as kindling in the Apocalypse, the final battle that will bring Jesus back to Earth. None of this can happen until every last Jew is penned into the occupied territories—and the Jews won't get there unless the far-right runs Israel and America. Currently 65 million American cultists are using everything in their power, from prayer to politics, to make this Helter Skelter scenario come true.

ooh, daddy, can i say the pledge of allegiance without saying "under god" now, or do i have to use my newly-legalised assault rifles to blow your shit up?

but really, my favourite lines are these:

The Evangelicals' late-20th-century strategy of embracing Jews as their biggest, bestest friends in the whole wide world reads like an updated Hansel and Gretel, with Evans playing the witch luring Hymie and Gilah into his West Bank lair in order to cook them.

Or, it has a King Kong quality to it, like tying up Fay Wrayberg to a Hebron IDF outpost in order to cajole Jesus Kong out of the heavenly jungle so that he can lord over the cross-chucking savages—except that at least Fay Wray survives in the original. Not so the Jews of Michael Evans' fantasy.

seriously. "cross-chucking savages". Jesus Kong! those are goin' in the hopper for frequent use.