why i think christians are fucking morons

ooh, a lovely new article at worldNetDaily, home for the brainless, ignorant bigmouths i hate. today's jewel is WorldNetDaily: Why I won't be celebrating Halloween with Barbie, a tireless tirade against the pagan evils of halloween & how it's going to seduce your children in satanism.

in case you were wondering, the only troll around is my grandpa. (I'm one-quarter troll, which explains my difficulty with bridging the gap between me and the Reborglicans & my preference for tofaby instead of tofurkey at thanksgiving.) This is a deadly serious matter for linda harvey.

em harvey - dare I call her ms harvey? i dare not. - has an admirable concern for the proper upbringing of her progeny. i'm direly concerned for the proper upbringing of children; the fact that most american children are spoiled, self-centred fucks in comparison to those of every country in the world i've visited is why i constantly fume and curse about the youngest members of our society. (that and the stifled need to eat them - thanks, gramps.)

However, if I may be so bold, my dear em harvey, you have things all wrong. Why you should not celebrate halloween with barbie is not because, as you state,

God trumped those holidays [Easter & Christmas], and still does in spite of pagan trappings like Christmas trees and Easter eggs. But Halloween, God has let stand alone, perhaps as a test.

In fact, your argument is so specious i'm not sure why i'm trying to refute it except as a general matter of principle. let's just say that despite your understanding that God created those christian holidays to 'trump' the preexisting pagan ones, in fact these holidays were not celebrated until quite late in church history. for some reason, they were not jettisoned along with the remainder of the dreck that the protestants did when they tossed out the priesthood and the other ideas that clearly had no role in the ministry of jesus.

i am, of course, patently assuming em Harvey is not a roman catholic or greek orthodox, mostly because this is Them United States and she's writing on worldNetDaily. forgive me if i'm wrong, but even then the argument remains: the early church did not celebrate the birth of christ nor did they have an established easter separate from passover et al.

my point is just that there is no reason to celebrate those other holidays with easter eggs and a christmas tree except that, apparently, halloween seems more unacceptable to you. whatever.

in any case, i utterly agree with you. well, with your title, anyway. however, the reason is entirely opposite to your own: barbie is a nightmarish evolution of the most horrid images of femininity and womanhood this century all rolled into one image.

screw halloween: it's kids dressing up in costume and eating candy, which isn't going to corrupt their silly little minds. on the other hand, barbie will hurt your children. without a doubt. absolutely.

for those of you wondering whether my tongue is in my cheek, i want to firmly indicate it is not. I loathe barbie. I always loathed barbie. she teaches girls misogyny, self-hatred, body image problems, that the good woman is biologically improbable in appearance and also has long blonde hair and blue eyes and also owns EVERYTHING.

barbie is about acquisition, matching impossible beauty images and hurtful stereotypes about women and their roles in society.

i agree: no barbie halloween. but barbie is the real satan here: don't let the red herring of halloween throw you. after all, the yule log was originally human sacrifices and the goddess of spring, eostre, was also a man-eater.